Instruction and advice for the young bride :rolleyes:

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by keywordpk, Aug 10, 2012.

  1. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    I found this online today and thought it was hilarious.

    This is a reprint of an article in The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894.

    I won't post it all in one post, better to digest if it's one paragraph at a time.

    "On the Conduct and Procedure
    Of the Intimate and Personal Relationships
    Of the Marriage State
    For the Greater Spiritual Sanctity
    Of this Blessed Sacrament
    And the Glory of God"

    by Ruth Smythers
    Beloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers,
    Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church
    of the Eastern Regional Conference
    Published in the year of our Lord 1894
    Spiritual Guidance Press, New York City
     
  2. MatthewT

    MatthewT Awaiting The Rapture VIP

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    sexy :marx:
     
  3. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

    :eek:
     
  4. MatthewT

    MatthewT Awaiting The Rapture VIP

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  5. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth.Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

    :hump:
     
  6. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it. It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

    :bigthink
     
  7. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency. :jj:
     
  8. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

    :nag:
     
  9. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

    :rofl:
     
  10. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home. Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.


    :sex:
     
  11. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.

    :marx:
     
  12. Chief2Kick

    Chief2Kick I'm all sixes & sevens & nines Staff Member

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    The only thing she's gotten right so far.
     
  13. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.

    :c
     
  14. Maschine Zeit

    Maschine Zeit Well-Known Member

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    most brides in those days were under 18. :woowoo:
     
  15. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

    :funny:
     
  16. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.

    :hhh:
     
  17. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.

    :punch:
     
  18. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time.


    :spit:
     
  19. jaw_belize

    jaw_belize Well-Known Member VIP

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    wow

    when is that from?
     
  20. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.

    :usofa: