It's come down to this

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by GHP, Dec 14, 2010.

  1. GHP

    GHP New Member Banned User

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    Make way for petty lane, NY

    Conceding that the spread of bike lanes has enraged New Yorkers, city officials are conjuring other methods to calm nerves. One plan would devote more street space to pets.

    “Everybody likes dogs,†an insider whispers serenely. “We’re confident people will feel better if they see pets instead of cars on the streets. The folks at Tweed are massaging the data to prove it.†Under the plan, hatched by the Species Diversity Officer, dogs and cats would get a street lane for exercise and potty time, though PETA is seeking separate lanes for each, saying they will fight like,

    well, cats and dogs.

    The pet lane, or lanes, would fall between the bike lane and vehicles lanes. Officials gush that some streets will not have any space left for other vehicles.

    Even before pet lane construction begins, however, opposition is building from a powerful special interest group. Ferret lovers are demanding their own street lane, saying anything less would be species-ism.

    They threaten to sue and NYCLU is eager to file. The New York Times editorial page is preparing to applaud the suit by arguing that eliminating traffic lanes will wean people off the addiction to jobs and commerce, which it blames on President Bush.

    Janette Kubla-Khan, the anti-transportation commissioner, tells acolytes she first saw pet lanes during a trip to Xanadu. She came back talking dreamily about a stately pleasure dome and the milk of paradise. A source said she reeked of incense.

    Mayor Bloomberg was unavailable for comment. An aide said he was out of town and had time only for interviews on national issues, but insisted Bloomberg was not running for president.
     
  2. HowieCalbo

    HowieCalbo New Member

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    :bigthink
    I'm gonna need a minute to digest all of this...
     
  3. GHP

    GHP New Member Banned User

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    species-ism :facepalm:
     
  4. Super Mario

    Super Mario Well-Known Member

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    :jj:btw I never knew there was a place actually called Xanadu I thought it was that planet from that movie.:)
     
  5. GHP

    GHP New Member Banned User

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    I'm still trying to decide if that's a plant. I mean, Janette Kubla-Khan? :p
     
  6. rob82

    rob82 Ellipsis Expert VIP

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  7. GSD

    GSD Active Member

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    We're doomed :facepalm:
     
  8. lucky

    lucky New Member Banned User

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    The Onion used to be hilarious.
     
  9. GHP

    GHP New Member Banned User

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    It's the NY Post for what it's worth and I'm HOPING it's tongue in cheek
     
  10. lucky

    lucky New Member Banned User

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    Lest you think otherwise, that last article was completely farcical

    [​IMG]

    (You don't put a pedestrian lane between bikes and cars, silly)
     
  11. GHP

    GHP New Member Banned User

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    Specie-ist :pissed: :mad: