Jets TE Kellen Winslow rubbed one out in Target parking lot

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by MutteringJohn, Jan 17, 2014.

  1. MutteringJohn

    MutteringJohn Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    32,542
    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2012
    Messages:
    16,366
    Likes Received:
    22,123
    New York Jets tight end Kellen Winslow was charged with possession of synthetic marijuana in November, but that is not the reason why a woman called police officers to a Target parking lot in East Hanover, N.J.
    According to NJ.com, the woman believed she saw Winslow masturbating in his Cadillac Escalade outside of Target. Winslow’s name was originally redacted from the incident report, but NJ.com reports it was the Jets player.
    Here is a portion of the report obtained by NJ.com:
    “As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account.â€
    When police officers arrived, Winslow was allegedly, “slouched in his seat and moving around.†When confronted by the officers, Winslow supposedly said he was looking for a Boston Market and got lost, according to the report.
    NJ.com proceeded to describe what allegedly occurred:
    “The cop noticed Winslow was wearing 'dark colored'sweatpants and wrote that 'his genitals were not exposed.' But the cop also noticed 'two open containers of Vaseline on his center console' and plastic bags marked 'Mr. Happy' and empty plastic containers of 'Funky Monkey' scattered throughout the vehicle.
    “Winslow allegedly told police he smoked the 'Mr. Happy' and 'Funky Monkey' at his home to relax because the NFL doesn't drug test for it, and that he buys the stuff on the internet and at gas stations. Police say he consented to a vehicle search, and after a few items were seized into evidence, Winslow was free to go.â€
    Lab tests later revealed Winslow was in possession of synthetic marijuana, and he was formally charged on December 30. Last week, he pleaded not guilty to the charges.
    Winslow has not commented on what allegedly occurred in the Target parking lot.

    [​IMG]

    - -

     
  2. BethSucks

    BethSucks Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Reputations:
    190,640
    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2012
    Messages:
    38,725
    Likes Received:
    76,641
    He must have seen a photo of Beth and couldn't control himself.
     
  3. Morrisb

    Morrisb Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    48
    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2012
    Messages:
    4,086
    Likes Received:
    444
    I was just going to post this. :jj:
     
  4. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    24
    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2012
    Messages:
    55,618
    Likes Received:
    61,873
    how strange!

    normally he does that at Walmart
     
  5. PI Nate

    PI Nate Disenfranchised since 1984...

    Reputations:
    216,677
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2011
    Messages:
    69,346
    Likes Received:
    92,441
    He heard a commercial for the Kitten Bowl and broke into spontaneous masterbation...:lmao:
     
  6. CrucifiedAGT

    CrucifiedAGT He's Around VIP

    Reputations:
    64,981
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2013
    Messages:
    13,520
    Likes Received:
    31,015
    Wait, this is wrong? :dontknow:
     
  7. wigtropolis

    wigtropolis Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    11,643
    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    22,673
    Likes Received:
    13,846
    Have any of you ever tried to think about Boston Market and not jack off. That shit is next to impossible to do
     
  8. Nemo

    Nemo Beer Can Thick Gold

    Reputations:
    15
    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2010
    Messages:
    94,547
    Likes Received:
    48,666
  9. Nemo

    Nemo Beer Can Thick Gold

    Reputations:
    15
    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2010
    Messages:
    94,547
    Likes Received:
    48,666
    How many sides he have?
    Was he in possession of any Swiss cheese?
     
  10. DJ Retardo

    DJ Retardo Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2013
    Messages:
    675
    Likes Received:
    1,598
    Every time I think of a meatloaf sandwich I can't stand up for 15 minutes...
     
  11. Halftree

    Halftree VIP Extreme VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    1,616
    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2012
    Messages:
    686
    Likes Received:
    913
    Based upon his career my guess is he didn't finish.
     
  12. chuk

    chuk Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    6
    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2012
    Messages:
    13,717
    Likes Received:
    7,588
    Jerking off with Vaseline sounds like too much work/clean up.
     
  13. skytzoboy

    skytzoboy not a fuck to give

    Reputations:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2011
    Messages:
    5,001
    Likes Received:
    40
    Any time I smoke some Mr. Happy I get the urge to beat off too. :jj:
     
  14. Morrisb

    Morrisb Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    48
    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2012
    Messages:
    4,086
    Likes Received:
    444


    :jj:
     
  15. stripes

    stripes Active Member Banned User

    Reputations:
    -3
    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2011
    Messages:
    24,548
    Likes Received:
    17
    gotta love the jets
     
  16. Rob0729

    Rob0729 Well-Known Member VIP

    Reputations:
    46,377
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2012
    Messages:
    19,346
    Likes Received:
    26,177
    I get excited whenever I shop at Target, but this might be taking things a little too far.
     
  17. CaptainFrank

    CaptainFrank Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    7,514
    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2012
    Messages:
    6,596
    Likes Received:
    6,035
    Should have been a collar for DWAI-Drugs...

    Could not happen to a better guy....
     
  18. shrinkage

    shrinkage Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    156
    Joined:
    May 8, 2012
    Messages:
    335
    Likes Received:
    509
    He could be charged with "car jacking"
     
  19. sinicalypse

    sinicalypse Active Member

    Reputations:
    15
    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2012
    Messages:
    305
    Likes Received:
    64
    so not only is he caught masturbating, but he's also effectively down with the masturbation of the weed smoking world in that goofy synthetic marijuana stuff? that's consistent.... you know kind of like his NFL career used to be until he left tampa and eventually joined the jets.... * ducks *

    :giggle:
     
  20. Quite Frankly

    Quite Frankly Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    4,691
    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2012
    Messages:
    4,540
    Likes Received:
    3,453
    The woman's name is Katja Djerkinov