Kicked out of the Golden Corral!!

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Mr. Potato Head, Feb 14, 2016.

  1. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head ~Would Like to Play~ Gold

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    http://huzlers.com/man-kicked-out-f...g-more-than-50lbs-of-food-sues-for-2-million/

    SPRINGFIELD,MA – A man from Massachusetts is suing Golden Corral Corporation for 2 million dollars, for false advertising, after being literally thrown out of one of the chain’s restaurants by the employees, last Thursday.

    According to witnesses, the 51 year old man who lives on welfare, was expelled from the restaurant after he then spent more than 7 hours on-site, ingesting a quantity of food which has been estimated between 50 and 70 pounds.

    Despite the fact that the restaurant advertised the buffet as “all-you-can-eat”, the manager of the establishment seems to have lost patience at some point, telling him that his meal would be free but asking him to leave. The manager’s intervention angered Mr Fleming, and a brief altercation took place before he was finally pushed out of the restaurant.

    He immediately called the police and filed a complaint against the restaurant, and he intends to make the people responsible for his mistreatment, pay for their actions.

    “It’s a serious injustice, and I am deeply insulted!” Mr. Flemmings told reporters. “With my income, I rarely go to the restaurant, so I try to get as much as I can for my money when I do. This was the worst experience I have ever had in a restaurant. Not only did they kick me out while I was still hungry, but they looked at me like I was disgusting, like I was not worthy of eating there! It’s unacceptable, and I demand a compensation!”

    [​IMG]
    Mr Flemming says the employee of the Golden Corral did not use any insulting language, but he claims that the disgust that was visible on their faces has left him with some deep emotional wounds.

    The direction of the restaurant chain quickly issued a press release announcing that the decision to expel Mr. Flemmings was a regrettable personal initiative from an overzealous franchise manager. They also said that some financial indemnities had been offered to compensate the damage suffered by the victim, but had been refused.

    Mr Flemmings confirmed that he had been offered a significant amount of money by the company, but he is convinced that he can get more if he goes to court.

    The primary hearing in this case should take place on March 7, at the Springfield District Court.

    Picture of the disgusting heathen. :fil:

    [​IMG]























































    Oh, wait, maybe this is the guy. :scratch:
    [​IMG]

    Yeah, that must be him. My bad.
     
  2. walleyeslayer2

    walleyeslayer2 Well-Known Member

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    splashwut
     
  3. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head ~Would Like to Play~ Gold

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    50-70lbs of food! :buffet:
     
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  4. face palm

    face palm Well-Known Member

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    is that an aqua globe in the plant?
     
  5. walleyeslayer2

    walleyeslayer2 Well-Known Member

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    Not Mike :no:
     
  6. A Succulent Chinese Meal

    A Succulent Chinese Meal Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir. VIP

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    I don't think a human could eat 50 pounds of food and live, even over the course of 7 hours.
     
  7. crazypreacher

    crazypreacher Hey yo

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    Son of a bitch. I though poverty wasnt conducive to that.
     
  8. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head ~Would Like to Play~ Gold

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    It's on the internet.:fil:
     
  9. Napoleon V

    Napoleon V Swagggggg. ! !!!!!!!! !!!!! Banned User

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    That guys looks good for an extremely obese 51 y/o welfare recipient
    the real guy not BM
     
  10. Gwarn1

    Gwarn1 Worlds poorest sugar daddy VIP

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    That could have been me!
     
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  11. Lemmy

    Lemmy Douchebag Extraordinaire Gold

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    I wish the manager would have stabbed him to death instead.
     
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  12. walleyeslayer2

    walleyeslayer2 Well-Known Member

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    Oh
     
  13. A Succulent Chinese Meal

    A Succulent Chinese Meal Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir. VIP

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    You got me with a fake news site. Fool me once, shame on you.
     
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  14. LonghornJ

    LonghornJ VIP Extreme Gold

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    This is probably one of the funniest darn things that have ever happened to me. A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Golden Corral for dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means that macaroni and beef are on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night; complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the kids. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.

    We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you - in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was gorged, perhaps a bit too much, however.

    I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed plates of food, I was in trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing and unbuttoning my pants were not an option since I was wearing sweats. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first I thought it was only gas, which could have been passed in batches right at the table without too much concern.

    Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with explosive movement that was soon going to come out the backside, if you catch my drift. It's amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food which spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress... so I quickly got up from the table and made my way to the bathroom. Upon entering, I saw two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good @#$%. But in this case, the door lock was broken and the thing I hate more than anything in the world is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a @#$%.

    So I made my way to the normal stall. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making the stall decision proved to be a bit too long under the current circumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my lower unit was reaching Biblical portions. So I began "The Move."

    For those who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Most men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of anatomical events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones bottom toward the toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of poo at the exact same second that one's bottom is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the poo is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the urine stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.

    What happened next was so quick that the exact sequence of events is a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them as best I can. In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation, I’m half crouched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with a load of vomit coming up my esophagus.

    Now, most of you know that vomiting takes precedence over poop no matter what is about to come slamming out of your bottom. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since pooping will not kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death. My attention was thus diverted. At that very split second, my bottom exploded in what can only be described as a wake...you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of "30,000 Killed In Wake of Typhoon Fifi" or something along those lines. In what seemed to be most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous amount of poop the consistency of thick mud with pockets of greasy liquid came flying out of my bottom.

    But remember, I was only halfway down on the toilet at that moment. The poop wave was of such force, and of just such an angle in relation to the back curve of the toilet seat, that it ricocheted off the back of the seat and slammed into the wall - at an angle equal to which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down. Recall that when that event occurred, I was already halfway to sitting and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get beyond a certain point, you're going down no matter how limber you may be. Needless to say, the poop wave, though of considerable force, was not so sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself on the walls - unlike what you would see when hitting a puddle with a high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a significant amount of poop remaining on about one-third of the seat rim which I had now just collapsed upon.

    And there was no @#$%!@# toilet paper!!!! At this point, what else could I do but laugh. I must have sounded like a complete maniac to the guy who then wandered into the bathroom. He actually asked if I was OK since I was laughing so hard I must have sounded like I was crying hysterically. I calmed down just enough to ask him if he would get the manager, and told him to have the manager bring me some toilet paper. When the manager walked in, he brought the toilet paper with him, but in no way was prepared for had occurred. I simply told him that there was no way I was going to explain what had happened in the stall, but that I needed several wet towels and I needed him to go ask my wife to come help me. I told him where we were sitting and he left. At that point, I think he was probably assuming that I had pee’d just a bit in my pants or something similarly benign.

    About two minutes later, my wife came into the bathroom not knowing what was wrong and with a certain amount of worry in her voice. I explained to her (still laughing and having trouble getting out words) that I had a slight accident and needed her help. Knowing that I had experienced some close calls in the past, she probably assumed that I had soiled my shorts on the way to the bathroom or something and just needed to bring the car around so that we could bolt immediately. Up until this point I'm sure she had no idea that she was about to go across the street and purchase me new underwear, new socks, new pants, a new shirt, and (by that time due to considerable leakage around the elastic ankles thingies) new shoes.

    She then started to laugh herself since I was still laughing, and she began to ask for an explanation as to what had happened when I promised her that I would tell her later, but that I just needed to handle damage control for the time being. So she left to head out to buy me new clothes.

    Shortly later the manager then came back in with a half-dozen wet towels and a few dry ones. I asked him to also bring a mop and bucket upon which he assured me that they would clean up anything that needed to be cleaned. Without giving him specific details, I explained that what was going on in the stall that night was far in excess of what I would expect anyone to deal with. At that moment, I think it dawned on him exactly the gravity of the situation. Then that manager went so far above the call of duty that I will be eternally grateful for his actions. He hooked up a hose. Fortunately, commercial bathrooms are constructed with tile walls and tile floors and have a drain in the middle of the room in order to make clean up easy. Fortunately, I was in a commercial bathroom and the drain was in my stall. He hooked up the hose to the spigot located under the sink as I began cleaning myself up with the wet towels.

    Just as I was finishing, my wife got back with the new clothes and passed them into the stall, whereupon I stuffed the previously worn clothing into the plastic bag that came from the store, handing the bag to my wife. I finished cleaning myself off and carefully put on my new clothes, still stuck in the stall since I figured that it would be in bad taste to go out of the stall to get redressed, in the event I happened to be standing there naked and some little kid walked in. At that point, I had only made a mess; I had not yet committed a felony and intended to keep it that way.

    When I finished getting dressed, I picked up the hose and cleaned up the entire stall, washing down the remains toward the drain in the center of the room. I put down the hose and walked out of the bathroom. I had intended to go to the manager and thank him for all he had done, but when I walked out, three of the management staff was there to greet me with a standing ovation. I started laughing so hard that I thought I was going to throw up again, but managed to scurry out to the car where my wife was now waiting to pick me up by the front door.

    The upshot of all this is that I strongly recommend eating dinner at Golden Corral. They have, by far, the nicest management staff of any restaurant in which I have eaten.
     
  15. dawg

    dawg In The Dog House Staff Member

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    I heard a story about a girl that ate so much at a party that she exploded. Food coming out of her mouth, nose and ass. People there said they heard a loud noise.
     
  16. A Succulent Chinese Meal

    A Succulent Chinese Meal Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir. VIP

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    :jj:
     
  17. DrivenByDemons

    DrivenByDemons Spinoff Jesus Staff Member

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    That BM pic made me chuckle :jj:
     
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  18. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head ~Would Like to Play~ Gold

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    @big faggy ruined the whole thread. :fil:
     
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  19. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    that much golden corral food just means the sewers in that town will need industrial strength roto-tooter
     
  20. A Succulent Chinese Meal

    A Succulent Chinese Meal Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir. VIP

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    People always ruin mine; I will ruin everyone else's.
     
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