LeBron to Announce Decision at United Nations...

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by DarkFriday, Jul 8, 2014.

  1. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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    [​IMG]

    NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—N.B.A. superstar LeBron James said Tuesday morning that he would announce the name of the team that he is signing with on Thursday at a special session of the United Nations General Assembly to be convened especially for that purpose.

    “This decision affects everyone on the planet,” James said. “I want to let all the nations on Earth know at the same time.”

    An emergency meeting of the U.N. Security Council on Tuesday was deadlocked on the issue, with seven members wanting James to remain in Miami, seven others hoping for a return to Cleveland, and Lithuania abstaining.

    The Miami Heat president, Pat Riley, and the Cleveland Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert, both confirmed that they would be in the audience at the United Nations to hear James announce his decision. “I’m not going to lie: I wish he’d tell me in advance,” Riley said. “But I guess I’ll have to wait to hear along with Russia, China, Ecuador, and everybody else. That’s the way LeBron wants it.”

    To help him with his decision, the N.B.A. star has assembled an esteemed circle of advisers, including Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and the scientist Stephen Hawking, all of whom are expected to be in attendance for the United Nations announcement.

    The U.N. General Secretary, Ban Ki-moon, acknowledged on Tuesday that the world body had many other issues on its plate, including conflicts in the Middle East and Ukraine, but added, “It’s really hard to focus on anything until we know where LeBron is going.”o_O
     
  2. FatKidSullivan

    FatKidSullivan Smoking Cigars

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    :nojj:
     
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  3. Mur

    Mur soon

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  4. Gomez

    Gomez Well-Known Member

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    he should also change his name to a symbol just like Prince did.
     
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  5. beatlejaws

    beatlejaws nowhere poster

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  6. Avery

    Avery Well-Known Member Banned User

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  7. Billy Brown

    Billy Brown Thinking big VIP

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    The Borowitz Report

    :rolleyes:
     
  8. Phan Neepack

    Phan Neepack Well-Known Member

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  9. freds

    freds you broke it VIP

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  10. LonghornJ

    LonghornJ VIP Extreme Gold

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    "My wife is a whore!"
     
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  11. BearShit

    BearShit BearShit + Tom Hardy = BFF

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    dF please ban yourself for 1 hour for this awful thread TIA
     
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  12. pheelios

    pheelios Well-Known Member VIP

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    What a fuckin asshole cocksucker if true, and even if it's untrue.
     
  13. Danas Boyfrien

    Danas Boyfrien Mediocre Negro Gold

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    That old fucker would have fucked you up in hand to hand combat then dropped 18 holes in one on your ass on the golf course.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2014
  14. freds

    freds you broke it VIP

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    just don't put me in the dog room.
     
  15. pheelios

    pheelios Well-Known Member VIP

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    Yeah he should use this... [​IMG]
     
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  16. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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    :oops:
     
  17. Shivvy

    Shivvy Well-Known Member Banned User

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  18. Gitfiddle

    Gitfiddle Live Deliciously

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    Please let him announce that he's starring in Kazaam 2. :pray:
     
  19. LonghornJ

    LonghornJ VIP Extreme Gold

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    SI saying Bosh stays in Miami