Life for the Canavans After ALS

Discussion in 'The Artie Lange Show' started by release, Apr 22, 2014.

  1. release

    release New Member

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    As you know, the days of the Artie Lange Show are numbered, so now we should start to consider career alternatives for the staff of ALS. Since the twins lack talent, personality and proficiency at any type of skilled labor and because they aren't pretty enough to be real actresses, their future careers are clearly going to be in porn. They are white, blue-eyed and blonde twins, so they have that marketable aspect to their lives and a gimmick to get a foot in the porn door.

    Here's my porn idea for The Canavan Twins:

    "Doppel-Bang-Her"

    Meet Marie, 29 years old. Marie works as a call girl. She finds out from her abusive, alcoholic, dying father that she has a twin sister. The other twin lived with their mother and was left with a massive inheritance when she passed away that triggers on her 30th birthday. Feeling jealous, she plots to steal the other twin's identity and money, but not before ruining her life.


    Meet Liz, 29 years old. Her job as a psychotherapist for the county and the long hours she dedicates to her job prevents her from having a social life. One day, sexually repressed Liz meets Marie through a seemingly chance encounter. They develop a relationship and Liz, not knowing Marie's true intentions, reveals all her personal information through conversation. Liz suddenly loses her job for violating an ambiguous "morality clause" given by her boss. Liz's bank accounts/credit cards are suspended after Marie racks up tons of debt through newly created credit card accounts (of which one purchase are much needed breast implants). Liz is told by her bank that she will be evicted from her home in 60 days if she cannot find a new job to pay off her mortgage.


    Now busty Marie plans a way to make even more money at the expense of Liz. Marie uses the name "Liz" and tells new clients that she is going to take their sex calls at the good twin's home. She collects their money up front and sends them to good twin's house for said services. Good twin Liz is puzzled at the appearance of new men at her door every night who want to have sex with her, but starts to experience sexual freedom from her frequent male guests. Liz's now former boss, who was a long-time client of evil Marie's services, is accidentally sent to good twin's home for a sex call. Realizing who it is as she opens the door, Liz pieces together evil twin Marie's scheme to ruin her life and steal her inheritance. Liz plots to get revenge.

    Good twin reverses the tables on evil twin and prompts men to go to evil twin's home for sex. However, the men "good" twin sends to "evil" twin's house are violent sex offenders that she counseled at her former job as a psychotherapist for the county. She sends 10 of them on one night and gives them the key to her house. Marie is raped and killed and Liz attends funeral of evil twin and sees a woman who looks familiar and realizes that they weren't just twins, they were triplets.... "Cumming next Summer: Doppel-Bang-Her 2: Evil InCarnavan" flashes on the screen


    Other titles:
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: From Twinsanity to Absurditriplets

    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: The Quickening.
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: Dead Woman's Chest.
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: Attack of the Clones.
     
  2. sexyfatfunny

    sexyfatfunny New Member

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    I was thinking about post ALS lastnight, the only person associated with ALS that'll still be employed for sure is Brock.
     
  3. octex

    octex Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't watch them fuck for free. Dumb flat chested twats.
     
  4. ltd86

    ltd86 Racist Banned User

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    with those chests, if you put them in pigtails and give them lollipops you could probably make big $ selling them as black market pedophilia videos
     
  5. John

    John Member VIP

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    I'm sure they'll stay in contact with Mike like they said they would when this is over. Their version of staying in contact where he's concerned probably means stringing him along on twitter with links to their amazon wishlists.


    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: The Twin Who Shagged Me
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Twins
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: From Deerfield With Love
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: A New Twin
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: Lost in New York
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: The Raiders of the Lost Twin
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: The Last Twin
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: Liz, Marie and Mike Bocchetti: Giant Belly All-Out Sex
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: Enter the Canavan
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: The Secret of the Fern
    Doppel-Bang-Her 2: The Two Twins
     
  6. Death Smack

    Death Smack Active Member

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    Send them to Max Hardcore then
     
  7. release

    release New Member

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    Jesus, his shit is rough. He'd focus on the rape scene I mentioned in the plot and make the entire movie about that.
     
  8. release

    release New Member

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    Since subtlety doesn't really exist in porn titles anymore, I would imagine it being "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Buttholes" or "Lock, Stock and Twins Smoking Cock".

    Doppel-Bang-Her 2.7: University of KenFucky
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2014
  9. yaddc

    yaddc Well-Known Member

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    When the show ends the twins go back 2 what they do best working the streets
     
  10. Dicky

    Dicky Member

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    If they weren't blonde twins, they'd be fucking bagging groceries at Kroger. They're tall, lanky, no tits, no ass, no talent, dumbasses. The least they could do is have the courtesy to get a tit job.
     
  11. Death Smack

    Death Smack Active Member

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    You forgot the "Hollier than Thou" attitude, imagine the disgust of the twins when they had to put plastic over their windows to keep from freezing instead of the super giving them new airtight windows?
    Speaking of airtight who would have thought Liz is getting steady cock and Marie sits at home with her package from "Vibrator of the week club" and a crate of AA batteries trying to figure out how to squirt and using her tears as lube?
     
  12. Asshat

    Asshat Well-Known Member

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    I don't know where these porn fantasies come from. These two strike me as the type who are all "ewwww" at the sight of so much as a ballsack. More uptight, sheltered young women you are not likely to find in a big city. Most likely, they will land some bullshit "marketing" or "promotions" or "pr" jobs somewhere. That said, who gives a flying fuck. The worst on-air personalities in the history of tv and radio basically.
     
  13. Peau de Soie

    Peau de Soie Edit Button? Thanks LaserTilt!

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    I think you answered your own question. The only interesting thing about them is the remote possibility of their debasement. Or at least I think that's where release (no pun intended) is coming from (no pun intended). Personally I'm more on your side; the two jack-o-lanterns can go off into the mists with the Blob.
     
  14. release

    release New Member

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    I laughed so hard at your post, soda shot out of my nose. So thanks for that. Yes, that was quite a revelation last night, who knew prude, quasi-lesbian Liz would be banging a guy 5+ days a week. Maybe Marie is the closet dyke and that's why she has a long-distance boyfriend. I would have gone with "Dollar Dildo Club" to reference Dollar Shave, but whatever.

    PDS explained the debasement thing, but personally, I genuinely find the uptight, better-than-me thing that Death mentioned appealing. Do you remember that old quote by one of the Marx brothers: "I would never want to be part of an organization that would have me as a member."? The idea that I am beneath them on every level, they look down on people like me and under no circumstance would they have sex with me makes me attracted to them in some kind of fucked up way. They have attractive, WASP-y midwestern faces but the bodies of pre-pubescent boys. My taste in women is basically their opposite, but that weird attraction from the power they hold over me changes things. If one of them said "Ewww" or "Disgusting" like their audio clips while I was having sex with one of them, it would immediately bring me to completion.

    I don't really know what inspired me to write that. Something just triggered and I couldn't stop developing the idea. Plus seeing Marie raped and killed is hardly a sexual experience; more like cosmic justice.