Making Pizza at Home Sucks

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by HaroldJackson, Oct 1, 2016.

  1. HaroldJackson

    HaroldJackson Well-Known Member

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    Rolling that fucking dough out is the worst. Take it out, let it sit, roll it, let it rest, roll it, put it back into a fuckin ball and start again. how can it get paper thin and stay in a 3/4" thick glob right nest to it. Then try working the only fat part thin and the part you can just about see through tears a hole even though you're not even touching it.
    So you put it in the oven to cook a little before dressing it, even though half the dough bags don't say to. Or you don't and top it raw, doesn't matter, still comes out the same.
    The cheese gets burnt to shit while the bottom of the crust is barely warm.
    "Put foil on it." some may say. Well that might slow down the burning but not stop it, but then everything gets stuck to the fuckin foil when it comes out, even the browned scabbed over cheese somehow. And I've never seen a pizza place put foil on a pizza.
    Finally you check it. top is burned to hell, the bottom in the center it crusty so you take it out, let it sit, cut it, and the first 1/16" is like crust then the next 3/16" up is still almost fuckin dough!

    And even when someone is proficient at it, it's never as good as a restaurant.
     
  2. gwartney

    gwartney Is there gas in the car? VIP

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  3. crazypreacher

    crazypreacher Not followin whitey's rules

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    Cheat and buy it made at the stizzle or your local pitzeria.
     
  4. Bro

    Bro Corporate Fascist Gold

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    First of all you don't roll out pizza dough.

    [​IMG]
     
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  5. A Succulent Chinese Meal

    A Succulent Chinese Meal Message Board Poster VIP

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  6. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    Costco used to sell frozen pre-made pizza dough. takes a lot of the mess and effort out of making pizza. you just have to defrost it, punch it down and add the layers.
     
  7. Obi Drunkenobe

    Obi Drunkenobe Well-Known Member VIP

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    Not with one of these.

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Tranquil

    Tranquil Decent! VIP

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    Get a pizza stone and preheat your oven to 500° place pizza onto to hot pizza stone for about 7 minutes, you'll have a nice crust and cheese will not be burnt.

    If you don't have a stone, just place pizza onto to a cooking tray then place pizza on the bottom rack for 5 minutes in your preheated 500° oven and then take out and place on the top rack for 2-3 minutes.

    Also sprinkle cornmeal or semolina flour onto your tray so the pizza wont stick to the bottom, they act like mini ball bearings.
     
    doughhead63 likes this.
  9. NipplesAndToes23

    NipplesAndToes23 Mediocre Negro VIP

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    :giggle:
     
  10. Estocada

    Estocada Well-Known Member

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    I make a crust with almond flour, cheese, an egg, and a little cream cheese. Before you say it sucks, it doesn't. And it takes five minutes to make.

    Lo carb/ketogenic.
     
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  11. HaroldJackson

    HaroldJackson Well-Known Member

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    Only if it's gluten free and vegan.
    And how will that keep the cheese from burning.
     
  12. Bro

    Bro Corporate Fascist Gold

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    cooking trays aren't rated for 500 degrees.
     
  13. Bro

    Bro Corporate Fascist Gold

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    for 15 bucks my local pizza joint has a 700 degree oven and makes perfect pizza.
     
    Bye You! and HaroldJackson like this.
  14. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    if you are using a pizza stone like he says, then you aren;t using a tray.
     
  15. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    how do you know what they put in it?
    those meatballs and sausage could be someone you read about in the NY Post.
     
  16. Bro

    Bro Corporate Fascist Gold

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    he said you could use a tray. stop being obtuse.
     
  17. Bro

    Bro Corporate Fascist Gold

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    If your pizza needs toppings it probably sucks.
     
  18. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    Get a pizza stone and preheat your oven to 500° place pizza onto to hot pizza stone for about 7 minutes, you'll have a nice crust and cheese will not be burnt.
     
    walterHwhite likes this.
  19. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    if you dont put a topping on it, then you aren't eating pizza, but focaccia.
     
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  20. Tranquil

    Tranquil Decent! VIP

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    True they warp after a couple months, but they're cheap as hell.