Man my wife's family is weird

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by SouthernListen, Jan 1, 2015.

  1. SouthernListen

    SouthernListen I don't follow the crowd. Sorry about that. VIP

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    Soliciting the Dawgshed brain trust's thoughts on the following scenario.

    18 y/o kid in Army basic training is, in today's tradition of the pussification of basic training, allowed 14 days of leave for the holidays, mid-cycle in basic.

    He flies in from some camp in the midwest to ATL. He's picked up at the airport by his parents, who have driven here to visit his grandparents and aunt/uncle at two different homes for about a week, before returning home with his parents to their home in another state. So he's away from his civvys back home for about a week at least.

    At the airport, he tosses his army issue duffle bag in their family truckster, gets to his grandparents', brings the bag in, and spends at least 5 nights there with his siblings in a spare bedroom.

    He then travels with his family to his aunts', where he spends at least one other night. Then they pack up and head home to their state. This is 6 adults/teens in some sort of vehicle with all their luggage and presents. Duffle bags aren't small. Wouldn't someone notice a big duffle bag is being loaded/unloaded or not? Especially with cargo room so tight?

    Today, the evening before he's supposed to fly back out, connecting through ATL, his grandmother gets a call that the poor little baby has lost his duffle bag. She looks in the room he was staying in at her house and it's shoved under a bed. This means, as far as I can tell, it would have to have been unpacked to fit under the bed.

    They want his 75 y/o grandmother to drive 1.5 hours (more in traffic) to the airport tomorrow morning in rush hour in her 12 y/o beater to deliver this bag to him while he's at his layover at ATL, the busiest airport in the world at times. Meanwhile, his 79 y/o grandfather is ill with a 102 fever and needs to be taken to the doctor in the am. (I think now, but I stay out of their shit). He got sick because his dumbass kids and their kids had the flu and decided to show up anyway with their sick kids, probably because they wanted their loot.

    My questions:

    1. Wouldn't he have noticed he didn't have his bag during all the visits he made, packing and unpacking?

    2. What clothes would he be wearing during his visits if his bag is at his grandmother's for a week?

    3. Where are his dirty clothes from the trip? Where is his toothbrush? Where is his shaving kit? Does he just go to sleep in his clothes, wake up, brush himself off, and go about his day for a week or so?

    4. He has a new "fiance" despite never having had a job and apparently being unable to keep his luggage. Could this be some sort of scheme to avoid going back to basic because he's lovelorn?

    I don't have losers like these people in my life, so I lack experience deciphering the actions of dumbasses. What's going on here?




    I consider my wife to be like Marilyn on The Munsters, btw.
     
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  2. Apple the cat

    Apple the cat Moral conscience of the Shed

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    1) Depends how stupid he is.
    2) May have unpacked some (as you said)
    3) Probably in whatever house he was staying at. May have shoved his toothbrush in shaving kit and remembered it.
    4) Marrying a soldier is guaranteed housing and a paycheck. Google "Paycheck Annie".
     
  3. Peau de Soie

    Peau de Soie Edit Button? Thanks LaserTilt!

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    Honestly the only thing I give a crap about in that story is the poor sick grandfather. Hope he's okay. Army brat's not really worth analyzing, sorry. :)
     
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  4. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

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    walk away... no .. run from the situation.. clearly they are enabling this guy
    look at him as a baby... nothing you can do or say will change that
    let them live in their world.... and yes ATL has a monster for an airport
    but this is a no win if you say shit
     
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  5. tHISisKiSSeL

    tHISisKiSSeL ♡❂❁❀♡ Gold

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    He should have to pay Grandma to ship it with the fastest shipping method available. If he faces disciplinary action for not having his bag he should take it like a man.
     
  6. Lola

    Lola little-known member

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    sounds familiar...I've seen this before. I think they call his ailment "head-up-the-ass-itis"
     
  7. SouthernListen

    SouthernListen I don't follow the crowd. Sorry about that. VIP

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    Oh I don't give a shit about him. I'm just trying to figure out if they've got some bullshit going on. I don't get involved with any of their shit. But my wife worries about her mother.

    Oh yeah, the little faggot's faggot father got her to agree to go to the airport with it claiming he would be "court martialed" if he didn't show up with the bag. I figure they'd just make him miserable for a while and call him a dumbass in front of the platoon.
     
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  8. SouthernListen

    SouthernListen I don't follow the crowd. Sorry about that. VIP

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    That was my suggestion to my wife. He needs to learn to be a man and take care of his shit. Apparently the Army wasn't able to do that so far.
     
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  9. SouthernListen

    SouthernListen I don't follow the crowd. Sorry about that. VIP

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    I should hire BethStern to research this.
     
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  10. Finns Wake

    Finns Wake Well-Known Member

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    As a former Marine (I know, no such thing as an ex- Marine, but it's not like I'm still doing push ups for fun), I would suggest that the first portion of his basic training has not been effective. This of course begs the question, why are they allowed to leave in the first place? I'm not familiar with that practice. Part of the experience of basic is the physical and psychological isolation. Being allowed time away seems to fly in the face of that. Apart from that, it sounds like this kid is taking advantage of some vulnerable old folks. Teach him a lesson and send him back sans duffle bag. He'll catch hell for it but it might teach him a lesson that will save his life or those that serve with him when they get sent to some shit-hole in the mideast. In my experience, people like the young man you've described didn't fit the mission well, but that's not to say he can't be enlightened. Just don't let him be enabled.
     
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  11. Pothead

    Pothead Well-Known Member

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    Back during my heavy drinking days I would have a guy FedEx me some Vicodin when I knew I was going to be hungover. But I had to let him know by 6 PM so he could FedEx it overnight by 10 AM. Cost me $40 extra but man was I happy when that FedEx truck pulled up.
     
  12. Pooh bear

    Pooh bear Well-Known Member VIP

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    I would reply but I'm mad at you from a previous thread ;)
     
  13. Rodney21a

    Rodney21a Well-Known Member Banned User

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    The only thing I have to say about he 2weeks basic Leave is that, Everybody is getting the Holidays off and Drill Sergeants don't want to sit around babysitting privates so if they get Vacation then So do the privates. Also I went through Ft Benning and no chicks. Better basic for the Army. Also, you KNEW that your wife's family was nuts but you still married her anyway....
     
  14. Night Ape

    Night Ape Well-Known Member

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    He must be pretty dumb. He joined the Army. *rimshot*

    My brother was in the Army. Those duffle bags are enormous. If he forgot it somewhere, he either did it on purpose or is a complete retard.
     
  15. SouthernListen

    SouthernListen I don't follow the crowd. Sorry about that. VIP

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    They're nuts (except her mom). My wife's not nuts at all. She's fantastic. Hence the Marilyn Munster comment. This story just has Cygnus-like qualities to it that smells and I like figuring out shit like this.
     
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  16. Night Ape

    Night Ape Well-Known Member

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    It is weird about the breaking up boot camp thing. Whey my bro was in, he said they were given "time out" cards they could give the drill instructors if they felt they were being too hard on them. It sounded pretty pussified.

    I didn't serve, so I can't really talk, but Christ, I thought we were training warriors, not PC pantie-wastes.
     
  17. SouthernListen

    SouthernListen I don't follow the crowd. Sorry about that. VIP

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    I went to a military college for a while and it seemed tougher than Army basic these days. My father was an Army officer back in the day. So even home life was no picnic.
     
  18. Finns Wake

    Finns Wake Well-Known Member

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    I've heard of those cards. They didn't have those 15 + years ago when I was in. What the hell are you supposed to do on the battlefield when things get "too hard"? Just hand Johnny Taliban a timeout card? Fuck that. Anything less is a disservice to the recruits.
     
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  19. h89fvh8dfha8hfv9a0

    h89fvh8dfha8hfv9a0 Xavier's water boy Banned User

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    A vacation from basic training?

    I went into the military a few weeks before Christmas in 1988 (December 8). Didn't see any outsiders again for almost two months.

    Unless it is a new policy, the kid may have been washed out (kicked out) and not telling anyone.
     
  20. Peau de Soie

    Peau de Soie Edit Button? Thanks LaserTilt!

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    That's the most reasonable answer yet. Though again I only care about the sick grandpa - is he better?
     
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