Masturbating A Cat In Heat With A Qtip

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Lever, Feb 11, 2012.

  1. Lever

    Lever New Member Banned User

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    Ever have a screaming female cat that just wont stop driving you nuts? I got the solution to this problem it is called the Qtip cat masturbation technique. Simply take the q-tip and insert it into the cats "pussy" no pun intended. This process will usually be easy because the cat will already be trying to back up into the Qtip. This is the hard part you have to keep the Qtip inside the cat long enough to satisfy it for a short period of time. Keep in mind guys trying to use your finger is not a good idea.:facepalm: That is all. I have not done this to a cat I just heard someone talking about this before. Yes it is a sick world I wont even get into this story I heard about this guy and a dog It is too wrong.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2012
  2. HaroldJackson

    HaroldJackson Well-Known Member

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    By Q-tip is very dry, that's dangerous. I don't think you should advise people to do this maneuver.
     
  3. Lever

    Lever New Member Banned User

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    :haha: the cats pussy will be wet so no problem!
     
  4. Gwarn1

    Gwarn1 Worlds poorest sugar daddy VIP

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    Can I just fuck the cat?
     
  5. Lever

    Lever New Member Banned User

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    What you do is your business!
     
  6. SIPAWITZ

    SIPAWITZ Bialy Whore Banned User

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    lever, this is even below you


    how about i buy you a parisol?
     
  7. Gwarn1

    Gwarn1 Worlds poorest sugar daddy VIP

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    Kick ass!
     
  8. SIPAWITZ

    SIPAWITZ Bialy Whore Banned User

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    this thread has potential
     
  9. Lever

    Lever New Member Banned User

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    Considering the cat pushes out kittens i am sure you could get your pencil dick in there but good luck with the biting and scratching.
     
  10. SIPAWITZ

    SIPAWITZ Bialy Whore Banned User

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    this cant be any worse than joey boots telling us about putting a pencil in timmy the cats ass
     
  11. Lever

    Lever New Member Banned User

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    http://everything2.com/title/How to calm a cat in heat

    Equipment:


    Procedure:

    • Grab wailing, squirming cat and place it on your lap with its hind quarters readily accessible. Chances are the cat will freely offer them, if not the first time this procedure is followed, then certainly each time afterward.
    • Insert the Q-tip into the cat's vagina. It will be exposed and puffy. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other orifice. Either way the cat will begin to scream, but there is a subtle and audible difference in the scream of satisfaction and the scream of rectal pain. Experiment a little until you can distinguish the two.
    • Move the Q-tip in and out of the cat's vagina slowly at first, then more rapidly. No need to be gentle, no matter what you do with the Q-tip it beats a barbed cat penis digging around in there.
    • You are finished when the cat is finished. You will know when the cat is finished because it will either begin immediately to have a cat orgasm, or it will run away with the Q-tip sticking out of its ass. If this happens let it enjoy itself for a few minutes before attempting to retrieve your Q-tip.
    • That is it, you are done. Enjoy the peace and quiet until the cat flares up again.

      What to look for: The cat orgasm that follows this procedure is something the likes of which I have never seen elsewhere. It is a wriggling, leaping, moaning dance of ecstasy that defies any experience of pleasure my mind can even begin to grasp. If humans had orgasms with the intensity of a cat serviced in this way there would be no such thing as war, hunger, capitalism or God.

      Background: A cat in heat is, with few exceptions, one of the most irritating things to have living in your home. A cat in heat will follow you around and howl at you in a bone chilling, hideous wail until you are ready just to toss it outside and let it get pounded by the local tom's. After a few days of this torture having to drown a few kittens sounds relaxing. This cat-saving technique was first demonstrated to me by a terminally un-squeemish roomate of years past.
     
  12. Lever

    Lever New Member Banned User

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    I am just good at thinking up stupid shit........This has already been posted by someone else but my idea was close.
     
  13. Gwarn1

    Gwarn1 Worlds poorest sugar daddy VIP

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    Given the size of my Wang any cat I fucked would inevitably start yearning for a black human to be the next to rape her.
     
  14. Lever

    Lever New Member Banned User

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  15. beetlejosh

    beetlejosh I got a head that's large Gold

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    [​IMG]...This spots reserved for Lever! :rofl:
     
  16. Lever

    Lever New Member Banned User

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    lol
     
  17. Joe Bauers

    Joe Bauers Well-Known Member

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    Just owning a cat makes you suspect. [​IMG]
     
  18. fucky

    fucky New Member

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    A friend of mine once used a cordless drill. Just the side of the drill bit against the cat, though. And it was a slow speed. There was no penetration or anything like that. The cat got off like a motherfucker, though.
     
  19. Shine

    Shine 2012 rookie of the year VIP

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    I am speechless. There is no words for this thread. Why did I think it was ok to click on this thread?
     
  20. h5htyt76757j

    h5htyt76757j Chyea Chyea Banned User

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    are you shitting me?