Merry Christmas Oderus. A poem for you..

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Ralph, Dec 20, 2013.

  1. Ralph

    Ralph Don't Tread On Me

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    Twas The Night Before Metalli-Christmas

    Twas the night before Christmas when all through the land
    Metalli-freaks everywhere dreamed of their band
    Their posters were hung by the speakers with care
    In hopes that their stereos soon would be blarin'

    The metal heads were crashed out all snug in their sacks
    While memories of moshing ached in their backs
    This chick in her teddy and I in my thong
    Were just getting ready to rock the night long

    When out in the front I heard such a clatter
    I busted my ass to see what was the matter
    I ran to the window to see what was there
    And what I saw out there straightened my hair


    And then in twinkling, I heard in the den
    The crunchin' and bangin' of tuning within
    I came back from the fridge with the beers and the ham
    And sat my ass down to watch 'em all jam

    All hell broke loose and the music was loud
    And I sat there alone feeling oh very proud
    The Dane, was bangin' like a madman possessed
    And I really considered my sorry ass blessed

    James was a singin' and playing his axe
    Jason was ragin' man, that's the facts
    Then Kirk opened up with a huge fuckin' lead
    The sweat on my forehead's beginning to bead

    As I sat there and watched them, I started to wonder
    If I was dreaming and what I heard thunder?
    They couldn't be here at my house Christmas Eve
    I'm sure they all had other plans up their sleeves

    Metallica coming and playing for me?
    Had I been that good? Man, this couldn't be
    The music was loud as the Marshalls roared on
    After a couple of hours they said that was all
    And thanked me and told me that they'd had a ball

    I couldn't believe that all this was real
    As they started to leave I said, "Man what's the deal?"
    They went on to explain that that they felt like St. Nick
    And come round to play to all good Metalli-Dicks

    I watched them pull out in pull out in that old Chevy Blazer
    And felt like I had been shot with a taser
    But I heard them explain as they drove out of site
    "Happy Fuckin' Christmas, Dick, and to all a good night"

    I woke Christmas morning, stiff as a stick
    On my bedside table a Metallica pick?

    Todd
     
  2. Oderus

    Oderus Going to hell VIP

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    Oh, fuck off
     
  3. Ralph

    Ralph Don't Tread On Me

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    so mean you grinch :down:
     
  4. Oderus

    Oderus Going to hell VIP

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    :D You didn't write that.
     
  5. gilaet

    gilaet mind wandering... Staff Member

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    ...Listen up, pimple dick kiddies. Back in the 80's, Metal ruled, and if you had a problem
    with it, we put our fuckin' boot on your neck!. We didn't need Fag-Book, or the texting
    bullshit all you mindless, robotic fucks do today. WE have memories you will NEVER
    have. The only thing you pimple dicks will remember is X-Box, and the nerd you played
    against.....Truly, fuckin' Sad!!
     
  6. Teeney

    Teeney My friends call me Lissette Gold

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    Wrapping oderus' gifts with the utmost of care
    I got him just what he asked...a new pair of magic underwear
     
  7. Oderus

    Oderus Going to hell VIP

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    sons of bitches
     
  8. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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  9. Oderus

    Oderus Going to hell VIP

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    You'll have that steve'd by 3:00.
     
  10. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    He's gonna make that a SB smiley? :yay:
     
  11. J Hi

    J Hi Detlev Bronk VIP Gold

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    see, that's comedy...
     
  12. Kanye West

    Kanye West Yeezus!

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    im erect for no apparent reason right now
     
  13. Dream Theater

    Dream Theater DAWGS E-BULLY Squad Gold

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    This is true.
     
  14. gilaet

    gilaet mind wandering... Staff Member

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    That's in Oderus' profile on Christian Mingle.
     
  15. Ralph

    Ralph Don't Tread On Me

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    'Twas the night before Christmas,
    When all through the land,

    Nothing was moving,
    cept' Sublux hand on his gland.

    His nuts were a hanging, and he was stroking with care,
    Cause his left one still hurts from Dr Kildaire

    His blow up sex slaves were bent over beds,
    while KY Jelly tubes danced through his head.

    He beat it and beat it and came really quick,
    "Go to sleep now," he said to his dick.

    It stood at attention, and would not lie down,
    Unlike Chiva, it's the most rigid around.

    When out on the porch, there arose such a clatter,
    Doc got off his knees, to see what was the matter.

    He threw on his boxers and wiped off his hand,
    He looked out the window, and so did his gland.

    With the moon in the sky, and a bitter cold chill,
    His penis peeked out, and laid on the sill.

    When, what to his three eyes should appear,
    But Kanye, Oderus and a sleigh of cold beer


    His eyes how they twinkled! His palms were all hairy!
    His cock looked like sausage and was red as a cherry!


    He sprang to the sleigh with a clink and a pow,
    Fuck me raw boys, my safe word is Bobtraw

    But Kanye was limp, Oderus had stage fright
    they said "I'll be back next week, and
    I'll fuck you all night!"
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2013
  16. Oderus

    Oderus Going to hell VIP

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    dear lord :jj:
     
  17. Dream Theater

    Dream Theater DAWGS E-BULLY Squad Gold

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    :spit:
     
  18. DrSublux

    DrSublux Who am dis VIP

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    It could happen :dontknow: :jerk:
     
  19. Ralph

    Ralph Don't Tread On Me

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    So you are praying it comes true?
     
  20. Johnnykstaint

    Johnnykstaint A real one way mother f-er Gold

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    :jj: