name something educational you have learned from message board experience

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by jdwhatever, Mar 13, 2012.

  1. jdwhatever

    jdwhatever Fesh Gold

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    I learned Illinois is north of Louisiana.
     
  2. MatthewT

    MatthewT Awaiting The Rapture VIP

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    that OP is always a faggot
     
  3. jdwhatever

    jdwhatever Fesh Gold

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    cool
     
  4. ChuckZ

    ChuckZ You're so pusillanimous, oh yea.

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    Mothers and sons from belize are tight.
     
  5. jdwhatever

    jdwhatever Fesh Gold

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    troof!!
     
  6. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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    I learned some good uTorrent sites for porn and other educational stuff. :coffee:
     
  7. jdwhatever

    jdwhatever Fesh Gold

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    i learned what op means
     
  8. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    I learned people at Walmart are fat.
     
  9. jdwhatever

    jdwhatever Fesh Gold

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    thanks bro
     
  10. Motoflou

    Motoflou New Member

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    I learned that jdwhatever starts too many shitty threads. :dontknow:
     
  11. jdwhatever

    jdwhatever Fesh Gold

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    reps
     
  12. terrell

    terrell New Member

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    i learned how to spell 'learned'.
    l e a r m errr n e d spells learned.
    in a sentence: he learned how to spell learned
     
  13. jdwhatever

    jdwhatever Fesh Gold

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    do you pronounce your name terrell or terrell
     
  14. Motoflou

    Motoflou New Member

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    What the fuck are you babbling about NEG REPS NEG REPS NEG REPS!
     
  15. jdwhatever

    jdwhatever Fesh Gold

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    lol moto is all like neg reps
     
  16. DrivenByDemons

    DrivenByDemons Spinoff Jesus Staff Member

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    :rofl:
     
  17. jdwhatever

    jdwhatever Fesh Gold

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    that got dbd rolling laughing lol wut
     
  18. Tarpon1965

    Tarpon1965 Resident Dawg Whisperer

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    I learned that if I'm ever running a successful website, not to shut it down for weeks as a joke on the members.
     
  19. terrell

    terrell New Member

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    both ways. and a third way where i pretend i'm dick clark. terrreellll
     
  20. wife is a whore

    wife is a whore Stripped of POTY for butthurting staff VIP

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    I learned the:

    Fundamental Laws of Porn

    #1: whores lie
    #2: male performers have NO stroke value
    #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
    #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
    #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
    #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
    #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
    #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we̢۪ve come as a country regarding race
    #9: if she doesn̢۪t do anal, and she̢۪s not Christy Canyon, she̢۪s not a legitimate porn star
    #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
    #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
    #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn̢۪t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
    #13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
    #14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
    #15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
    #16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
    #17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
    #18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
    #19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
    #20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
    #21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
    #22: if an act is described as “her first timeâ€Â, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
    #23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
    #24: squirt is pee (see #10)
    #25: every whore has a price
    #26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
    #27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
    #28: someone else̢۪s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
    #29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency̢۪; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
    #30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
    #31: not all attention-whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention-whores
    #32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
    #33: girls turn 18 every day
    #34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
    #35: whores never learn
    #36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunitiesâ€Â
    #37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
    #38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
    #39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquestâ€Â, “Private Gladiatorâ€Â) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
    #40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
    #41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (see #29)
    #42: eventually, to maintain interest, female talent will have to do anal (e.g. Eva Angelina)
    #43: whores can't do porn forever; sometimes you have to grow up and move on
    #44: when a whore holds off anal for too long, no one cares
    #45: if you are shot out and get breast implants, you are still shot out
    #46: never talk about your kids on your porn site; a real wood killer
    #47: how about a girl who sucks beyond the goddamn helmet; half these bitches don't belong in the industry, because they can't give proper head
    #48: during anal sex, the phrase “fuck the shit out of meâ€Â (or variations thereon) shouldn’t be uttered
    #49: the more ridiculously out of place a whore looks in how she's dressed (e.g. hot pants, clear heels, etc.), the better
    #50: asses are much improved by being bigger (within reason) and wetter (without reason)...
    #51: like Hydra, when one whore dies, another five spring up in her place
    #52: alt.porn has engendered more verbiage than woodage
    #53: male talent should not be featured prominently on the box cover

    Only one I don't agree with is #10. It should read:

    #10: Piss and vomit are only sexy under the right circumstances. Shit never is, and tears always are