News Oooops, sex play that didn't work out too well

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Shithead, Feb 24, 2016.

  1. Shithead

    Shithead Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    11,173
    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2012
    Messages:
    14,518
    Likes Received:
    25,943
    Should've gave the cuke to the dog instead



    Salesman who accidentally killed his lover while using a cucumber as a sex toy goes on trial for negligent homicide in Germany

    http://i.***************/i/pix/2016/02/24/16/318437EB00000578-3461885-image-m-125_1456331382453.jpg
    +2
    A salesman who accidentally killed his lover while using a cucumber as a sex toy has gone on trial for negligent homicide in Germany (file picture)
    A salesman who accidentally killed his lover while using a cucumber as a sex toy has gone on trial for negligent homicide in Germany.
    Oliver Dietmann, 46, could be jailed for five years for the bedroom death of his lover Rica Varna, also 46.
    The court in Mannheim where he is on trial had members of his victim's family including her father and sister in the public gallery hearing the sordid details of the episode, which also featured a bunch of carrots and some courgettes.
    He told the court he and his lover 'often used vegetables' as a substitute for sex toys.
    He said he had met Rica in 2004, their relationship turning sexual five years later. on July 19 2014 he invited her around to his place where the cucumber was used 'to pleasure her.'
    He admitted that they had drunk four bottles of wine between them and several glasses of schnapps. A post mortem later showed that she was nearly four times over the legal limit to drive a car.
    He told the court how after the cucumber had served its purpose 'I put it it in her mouth. But suddenly I saw there was smoke coming from the kitchen. I forgot that I had put a piece of meat on the stove for my dog.
    'I ran to the kitchen, fed my dog and then went on to the balcony to smoke a cigarette.' He said when he returned to the bedroom, Rica was unconscious.

    'I tried to get the cucumber pieces out of her mouth,' he said, 'but they were so mushy I couldn't get any purchase at all.'
    http://i.***************/i/pix/2016/02/24/11/2614664400000578-0-image-a-35_1456313255593.jpg
    +2
    Oliver Dietmann told the court how after the cucumber had served its purpose 'I put it it in her mouth' (file picture)
    Medical experts later said that the cucumber got wedged in her throat, cut off her air supply and plunged her into a coma.
    'The defendant must have known that he should not have left her for so long on her own, said prosecutor Reinhard Hoffmann.
    A verdict in the case is due on Friday.
     
  2. Beer Can

    Beer Can Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    9,039
    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    3,229
    Likes Received:
    6,224
    Robin could have taught him the proper application. What a shame.
     
  3. Dick Fitzwell

    Dick Fitzwell Opinions are like assholes ... and so am I Banned User

    Reputations:
    7,290
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2011
    Messages:
    6,926
    Likes Received:
    15,628
    He's in a real pickle
     
  4. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock

    Reputations:
    33,138
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    24,669
    Likes Received:
    28,376
    Why didn't he just use his penis?
     
    Jayla, FishySausage, reno and 2 others like this.
  5. Tipsey Russell

    Tipsey Russell VIP Extreme Gold

    Reputations:
    41,766
    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2013
    Messages:
    16,242
    Likes Received:
    38,471
    he's cooking for the dog while he's shoving a cucumber up her snatch and down her throat

    i'd bet not one other human being anywhere on the planet was also doing this at the same time
     
  6. face palm

    face palm Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    3
    Joined:
    May 4, 2012
    Messages:
    30,642
    Likes Received:
    8,699
    he's 46
     
  7. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock

    Reputations:
    33,138
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    24,669
    Likes Received:
    28,376
    Your penis doesn't stop working at 46, son.
     
  8. joemama

    joemama Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    17,926
    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2014
    Messages:
    5,145
    Likes Received:
    14,101
  9. reno

    reno VIP Extreme Gold

    Reputations:
    98,491
    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2012
    Messages:
    16,002
    Likes Received:
    48,743
    Germans are weird.
     
    Jayla, AmishGirl and Pooh bear like this.
  10. PI Nate

    PI Nate Disenfranchised since 1984...

    Reputations:
    216,677
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2011
    Messages:
    69,334
    Likes Received:
    92,441
  11. Zarathustra

    Zarathustra Well-Known Member VIP

    Reputations:
    109,424
    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2013
    Messages:
    22,156
    Likes Received:
    25,257
    Too small
     
  12. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock

    Reputations:
    33,138
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    24,669
    Likes Received:
    28,376
    @Shivvy
     
  13. Shivvy

    Shivvy VIP Extreme Gold

    Reputations:
    328,125
    Joined:
    May 23, 2011
    Messages:
    166,260
    Likes Received:
    99,676
    Divorce Chicken likes this.
  14. Divorce Chicken

    Divorce Chicken Turn me loose VIP

    Reputations:
    74,594
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2012
    Messages:
    22,420
    Likes Received:
    49,256
  15. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock

    Reputations:
    33,138
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    24,669
    Likes Received:
    28,376
    :console:
     
    Scarlett Ohara likes this.
  16. TallTyrion

    TallTyrion Triggered like a mofo

    Reputations:
    15
    Joined:
    May 14, 2013
    Messages:
    17,121
    Likes Received:
    36,708
    Remember when Hmus had a show that was funny sometimes?
     
    PI Nate likes this.
  17. Rob0729

    Rob0729 Well-Known Member VIP

    Reputations:
    46,518
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2012
    Messages:
    19,387
    Likes Received:
    26,224
    Damn it. Yet another vegetable/fruit related sex death that doesn't involve a banana so I can use this clip gem:



    I can never catch a break.
     
    TheMercenary and Pooh bear like this.
  18. The Snork

    The Snork Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    37,024
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2012
    Messages:
    9,758
    Likes Received:
    15,887
  19. Lance Murdock

    Lance Murdock Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    1,657
    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2013
    Messages:
    880
    Likes Received:
    1,117
    I assume he had whiskey dick after downing four bottles of wine, etc.
     
    Mojopin likes this.
  20. Ashbeard

    Ashbeard Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    726
    Joined:
    May 5, 2013
    Messages:
    2,271
    Likes Received:
    3,539
    I wonder if she put the meat and vegetables back in the kitchen for the family to eat or if they noticed they were missing.