News Oooops, sex play that didn't work out too well

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Shithead, Feb 24, 2016.

  1. Shithead

    Shithead Well-Known Member

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    Should've gave the cuke to the dog instead



    Salesman who accidentally killed his lover while using a cucumber as a sex toy goes on trial for negligent homicide in Germany

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    A salesman who accidentally killed his lover while using a cucumber as a sex toy has gone on trial for negligent homicide in Germany (file picture)
    A salesman who accidentally killed his lover while using a cucumber as a sex toy has gone on trial for negligent homicide in Germany.
    Oliver Dietmann, 46, could be jailed for five years for the bedroom death of his lover Rica Varna, also 46.
    The court in Mannheim where he is on trial had members of his victim's family including her father and sister in the public gallery hearing the sordid details of the episode, which also featured a bunch of carrots and some courgettes.
    He told the court he and his lover 'often used vegetables' as a substitute for sex toys.
    He said he had met Rica in 2004, their relationship turning sexual five years later. on July 19 2014 he invited her around to his place where the cucumber was used 'to pleasure her.'
    He admitted that they had drunk four bottles of wine between them and several glasses of schnapps. A post mortem later showed that she was nearly four times over the legal limit to drive a car.
    He told the court how after the cucumber had served its purpose 'I put it it in her mouth. But suddenly I saw there was smoke coming from the kitchen. I forgot that I had put a piece of meat on the stove for my dog.
    'I ran to the kitchen, fed my dog and then went on to the balcony to smoke a cigarette.' He said when he returned to the bedroom, Rica was unconscious.

    'I tried to get the cucumber pieces out of her mouth,' he said, 'but they were so mushy I couldn't get any purchase at all.'
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    Oliver Dietmann told the court how after the cucumber had served its purpose 'I put it it in her mouth' (file picture)
    Medical experts later said that the cucumber got wedged in her throat, cut off her air supply and plunged her into a coma.
    'The defendant must have known that he should not have left her for so long on her own, said prosecutor Reinhard Hoffmann.
    A verdict in the case is due on Friday.
     
  2. Beer Can

    Beer Can Well-Known Member

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    Robin could have taught him the proper application. What a shame.
     
  3. Dick Fitzwell

    Dick Fitzwell Opinions are like assholes ... and so am I Banned User

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    He's in a real pickle
     
  4. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock

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    Why didn't he just use his penis?
     
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  5. Tipsey Russell

    Tipsey Russell VIP Extreme Gold

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    he's cooking for the dog while he's shoving a cucumber up her snatch and down her throat

    i'd bet not one other human being anywhere on the planet was also doing this at the same time
     
  6. face palm

    face palm Well-Known Member

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    he's 46
     
  7. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock

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    Your penis doesn't stop working at 46, son.
     
  8. joemama

    joemama Well-Known Member

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  9. reno

    reno VIP Extreme Gold

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    Germans are weird.
     
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  10. PI Nate

    PI Nate Disenfranchised since 1984...

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  11. Zarathustra

    Zarathustra Well-Known Member VIP

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    Too small
     
  12. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock

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    @Shivvy
     
  13. Shivvy

    Shivvy VIP Extreme Gold

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    Divorce Chicken likes this.
  14. Divorce Chicken

    Divorce Chicken I've got angst in my pants VIP

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  15. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock

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    :console:
     
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  16. TallTyrion

    TallTyrion Triggered like a mofo

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    Remember when Hmus had a show that was funny sometimes?
     
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  17. Rob0729

    Rob0729 Well-Known Member VIP

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    Damn it. Yet another vegetable/fruit related sex death that doesn't involve a banana so I can use this clip gem:



    I can never catch a break.
     
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  18. The Snork

    The Snork VIP Extreme Gold

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  19. Lance Murdock

    Lance Murdock Well-Known Member

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    I assume he had whiskey dick after downing four bottles of wine, etc.
     
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  20. Ashbeard

    Ashbeard Well-Known Member

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    I wonder if she put the meat and vegetables back in the kitchen for the family to eat or if they noticed they were missing.