News People Are Losing It Because NASA Kind Of Changed Our Zodiac Signs

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by XuXu, Sep 24, 2016.

  1. XuXu

    XuXu Well-Known Member DawgShed News

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    http://distractify.com/geek/2016/09/19/new-zodiac-signs-what









    Do you have that cute little zodiac tattoo on your ankle or behind your ear? Did you begin your morning by reading that this is the year to come out of your shell and be assertive to find love and professional success? Have you ever rolled your eyes and said "that's such an Aries thing to do"?

    If you answered 'yes' to any of the above, we have some bad news for you.


    Your whole existence is a lie because NASA ruined everything and informed us that there are actually 13 constellations in the Zodiac — not 12.





    FYI, the "new" constellation, which has been around forever but evaded common knowledge, is called Ophiuchus. The Babylonians discovered it but had settled on a 12-month calendar by the time they found a 13th constellation, so they just left it out.

    By the way, the groundbreaking information comes from "The Space Place," NASA's kid-friendly, educational website. And it has some information that shakes things up a little:

    An article about astrology and constellations explains that zodiac signs were made up 3,000 years ago by the Babylonians, who paired them with the constellations they saw. But, in the thousands of years since then, the position of the constellations has changed, due to the Earth 'wobbling' on its axis.

    So, the constellations are no longer in the same spots they once were.


    So, what does this mean for your horoscope?





    Well, if your birthday falls between November 29 and December 17, say hello to your new sign.

    People born under Ophiuchus allegedly seek peace and harmony, are poetic and inventive, and thirst for knowledge. They also have secret enemies in their close circles... Damn.

    Oh, and this also means that the other star signs will have shifted a bit as well....

    If you want to go back and get the ~accurate~ information, here's an updated list of horoscopes from Modern Astrologers:
    • Capricorn: Jan 20 – Feb 16
    • Aquarius: Feb 16 – March 11
    • Pisces: March 11 – April 18
    • Aries: April 18 – May 13
    • Taurus: May 13 – June 21
    • Gemini: June 21 – July 20
    • Cancer: July 20 – August 10
    • Leo: August 10 – September 16
    • Virgo: September 16 – October 14
    • Libra: October 14 – November 23
    • Scorpio: November 23 – November 29
    • Ophiuchus: November 29 – December 17
    • Sagittarius: December 17 – January 20


    This kind of Earth-shattering change did not go over well with Twitter.
     
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  2. Hank Douglas

    Hank Douglas Well-Known Member

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    Looks like I'm no longer a Virgo
     
  3. check1

    check1 VIP Extreme Gold

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    So, I'm a Leo now.....
     
  4. gwartney

    gwartney Is there gas in the car? VIP

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    Only people that are easily persuaded by pseudo science and that kind of crazy shit would believe that the Real Zodiac can be just changed like that.
     
  5. Pill Queen

    Pill Queen Elegantly wasted VIP

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    I WILL ALWAYS BE AN AQUARIUS YOU FUCKTARD NASA EUNICHS :pissed:
     
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  6. R.P. McMurphy

    R.P. McMurphy Well-Known Member

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    ...sorry but im no libra.
     
  7. potroast

    potroast Well-Known Member

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    And I an Aries. :mad:
     
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  8. Dorb

    Dorb Lovable Old Pig VIP

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    No problem for me at all.
    I was born under the constellation "Porcus the Pig"
    image.jpeg
     
  9. kinneyjames

    kinneyjames Well-Known Member

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    Fuck that shit. Im a Libra, dammit! Go to hell!
     
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  10. Bosch76

    Bosch76 2016 Politics POTY

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    besides that fact it's all horseshit, when they established the Zodiac signs the constellations were in very different places then they are now, so it's all meaningless.
     
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  11. hidden dragon

    hidden dragon the princess of darkness Staff Member

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    This is silly. Hey Nasa fucktards, I can't pronounce this Ophiuchus word. I'll just stay with being a Sagittarius.
     
  12. Pussy Tendon

    Pussy Tendon Wet! CUNT!!!!! Gold

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  13. XuXu

    XuXu Well-Known Member DawgShed News

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    When's your birthday? Mine's Nov 28
     
  14. Cheri

    Cheri Skunk VIP

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    Tracy likes this.
  15. Dream Theater

    Dream Theater DAWGS E-BULLY Squad Gold

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    LEO for life bitches ! Ain't no nerds in lab coats gonna tell me any different! :mad:
     
  16. potroast

    potroast Well-Known Member

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    Tracy likes this.
  17. Lemmy

    Lemmy Douchebag Extraordinaire Gold

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    Yep. :lo5:
     
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  18. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock VIP

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    I'm a Taurus now!!! :nooo:
     
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  19. potroast

    potroast Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  20. a mysterious man

    a mysterious man Well-Known Member

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    It's all bullshit, so if you get worked up over any of this, you're an idiot of the highest order.
     
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