Conspiracy Perfect fried chicken

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Beth143nacho, Aug 29, 2016.

  1. Beth143nacho

    Beth143nacho Well-Known Member VIP

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    First things first: get a whole chicken.

    If you have t cooked a whole chicken in the past year. Do it now.

    All you need to do is unwrap, remove giblets, wash, pat dry, lube, tie, roast. Best meal you'll have in a very long time. Tips for baked chicken:

    1. Use a probe thermometer inserted in the middle of the tit, cook til 155, remove bird to rest for 30 mins.

    2. Don't remove the probe until ready to serve

    3. Never use that pop up piece of shit.

    4. To show off, put potatoes (waxy, like Yukon gold) cut into 1" discs beneath the bird to lift the bird above the juices and crisp the bottom. While the bird rests, drain and finish off the potatoes (after tossing) in the oven.

    5. Gravy: 2 tbsp butter and 2 tbsp flour in a pan, melt and cook, stirring constantly until caramel in color. Skim the fat from the drippings, add the remaining liquid to the pan, season with salt & pepper. You can also flavor with court bullion (simmer onions, celery and carrot in water with herbs... Sage... Definitely sage)
    Onto the fried bird:

    First: cut the bird.

    1. Remove the wishbone...
    2. Remove the leg/thigh by slicing the skin where the thigh meets the boob. The thighs will begin to sag. Find the hip joint with your knife and cut between the bones.

    3. Slice the leg off the thing. Repeat for other half.

    4. With the wing sides facing you, slice one breast front the front, trace down the breastbone and go all the way back. This will take the boob, the tender and the wing off all at once

    5. Cut off the wing, and separate it. Save the wing tip. Repeat for other side.

    6. Peel the tender off it you want another piece. Also, you can cut the boob into smaller pieces.

    7. Put all pieces in a big piece of Tupperware, add buttermilk to cover. Soak overnight


    Tip: save the carcass and wing tips for chicken soup!

    Now, make the coating in a large mixing bowl:

    2 cups flour
    1/2 tsp ea thyme and basil
    2/3 tsp salt
    1 tsp ea celery salt, dry mustard, ground ginger, black pepper
    1/3 tsp oregano
    2 tsp garlic salt
    3 tsp white pepper
    4 tsp paprika

    Drain and dredge each piece and lay them out on a cookie sheet. Reserve remaining coating

    Tip: at this point, let them rest at least 10 minutes. The crust will thank you.

    Bring oil and crisco (50:50 blend) up to about 350. Test with some coating. When it bubbles instead of sinking, it's ready.

    Take a piece of chicken and coat it again. Then dip in oil.

    Tip: the oil level should be 2/3 up the side of the chicken. As it fries on one side, water vapor escapes through the other. This results in a coating that doesn't slide off.

    Flip once, and drain.

    Tip: as soon as you take the piece out of the fryer, sprinkle generously with salt.

    Best shot you'll ever make...
     
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  2. Shivvy

    Shivvy 100k Post Club

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  3. Shivvy

    Shivvy 100k Post Club

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  4. Shivvy

    Shivvy 100k Post Club

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  5. DrivenByDemons

    DrivenByDemons Spinoff Jesus Staff Member

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  6. Shivvy

    Shivvy 100k Post Club

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  7. Jayla

    Jayla Ou ai-je l'esprit? Gold

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    That's great. Maybe should post some casserole recipes from Pinterest. :)
     
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  8. Hugh Blowmont

    Hugh Blowmont Just be funny

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    Just hire an old fat black woman to do it.
     
  9. hugh jasol

    hugh jasol white trash on dope Gold

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    As long as there's not a BBC fucking the shit out of it...it's pretty hard to mess up.
     
  10. DrivenByDemons

    DrivenByDemons Spinoff Jesus Staff Member

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    @Bro
     
  11. Harambe Burrito

    Harambe Burrito Intelligent, average dick size and sensational Gold

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    Im not reading that shit. Fuck off.
     
  12. yaddc

    yaddc Well-Known Member

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    Pop eyes has perfect chicken.
     
  13. lilbuddy67

    lilbuddy67 A man with breath-taking anger management issues Banned User

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    KFC ingredients.
     
  14. Beth143nacho

    Beth143nacho Well-Known Member VIP

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    8. Gently lift the flap of skin above the breast

    9. using your hand, gently rub a small amount of softened butter between the skin and the breast meat

    10. Carefully position your erect penis into the space between the skin and the meat and thrust softly to climax. Repeat for other breast