Poor Howie - There r others out there like us....

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Yea Right, Jan 30, 2012.

  1. Yea Right

    Yea Right Member

    Jan 16, 2012
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    TOnight I was helping my son research past newpapers online for a topic he is doing for school. I came across this from Feb of last year. I thought I was still reading this board.

    Sorry if this is old news to most. I'd never seen it before and found it very similar to what is said here everyday. Guess this guy has jealousy issues too - lol

    Back to helping my son. i hope *WE* get an A on *HIS* project. Thankfully this is his last year in High School so this will be the end of *OUR* homework. He's going away to school next year and I can only hope I'm not expected to drive 8 hours away to help - lol

    Column: Howard Stern should give up
    February 09, 2010 12:00 AM
    Jon Dawson
    Howard, Howard, Howard: How we long for the days when you were actually funny.

    I was one of the first people to sign on to XM satellite radio. For years, my father had wondered why we couldn’t get radio in the format of cable TV, especially since terrestrial (free) radio has been in the toilet for a long time.

    Growing up, we never had cable or satellite TV and as an adult, I’m happy to say that I’m still holding on to the rabbit ears. There are about four channels on cable that interest me; I guess if I could pay for only those four channels, I’d subscribe. Until then, I will not be forking over $50 a month for movie channels that play movies I don’t like, music channels that don’t play music or sports channels that broadcast Hungarian squirrel-whittling competitions.

    For people like me (we’re in the minority), having 100 channels of music, talk and comedy is worth the $12 per month.

    When radio personality Howard Stern headed to satellite radio a few years back it brought in even more folks. Stern has always been a polarizing personality — you either love him or you hate him. I’d never given Stern much thought. When in New York, I’d hear his show and occasionally hear something that was funny, but I never really understood what all the fuss was about.

    I mean, anybody that can ride the comic sensibilities of a 12-year-old to the top of the radio game is on to something, but I’m beginning to think the schtick is running thin.

    For years I never even thought about Stern. I’ve always been an XM subscriber, and when Howard left terrestrial radio he went to Sirius satellite radio, which meant I never heard his show again. After the powers-that-be at The Free Press got loaded on some cheap wine and fabric softener at a board meeting and decided to give me a column, some posters at Kinston.com started comparing my low-rent shenanigans to those of Howard Stern.

    Yes, I did suggest running Michael Jackson’s remains for mayor and I did write a column about local teamster Paulette Burroughs farting her way out of court, but I can assure you, I was in no way, form or fashion trying to channel Howard Stern, although I do admire the man’s bank account.

    Stern’s entire career has been built on calling people on their BS. Stern — along with his trained seal sidekick Robin Quivers — spew endlessly about how phony everybody is. If an actor or musician tries to explain something beyond their paycheck, they are mocked — relentlessly.

    Years back, Stern kept harping on actor/comedian Billy Crystal because he made a documentary about baseball. He said that Crystal should stop talking about baseball because it was childish to obsess about baseball. This criticism comes from a man that is a self-confessed Star Trek and comic book fan.

    While we’re on the subject of BS, here are a few of Stern’s greatest BS moments:

    n Stern’s hair: Howard, that haircut isn’t fooling anybody. Your hair is darker now than it was 20 years ago, and you’ve obviously paid a hair stylist thousands of dollars to develop a combing technique that masks your receding hairline. I’d be willing to bet anything that there is a clause in your contract that allocates at least half a million dollars per year to something called “hair subterfuge.â€

    n Stern’s move to satellite radio: Stern tried to play off his move to satellite radio as a freedom of speech issue, which is of course utter nonesense. The fact of the matter is that Stern’s ratings on terrestrial radio were dropping faster than Robin Quivers’ cleavage.

    In some markets, he was being beaten by the morning team of Opie and Anthony, who for years Howard claimed was ripping him off. If Stern were as original as he claimed to be, then you’d think it would be hard for so-called imitators to parrot his moves with such ease. The move to satellite radio was the only way Howard could continue to have a career in radio, because within a few years he would have been down to only a handful of affiliates.

    In North Carolina, for example, he was down to one station. However, that’s only one more station than I’m on.

    n Stern’s penchant for mockicng the sick: Stern loves to mock people who are sick. As most people know, Dick Clark had a stroke a few years back and his speech is now slurred. While most decent people would just leave Clark alone, Stern has turned Clark’s condition into fodder for those on his show to pretend to laugh at.

    While Stern think’s it’s absolutely fine to mock people like Dick Clark for having a stroke, he wants people to lay off of comedian and Stern show writer/performer Artie Lang. Lang — who has had a long-term problem with substance abuse — recently stabbed himself in an apparent suicide attempt. Now if this had happened to anyone else on earth, Stern would be sending Ginzoo knife sets to them while they were in the hospital.

    Stern has been on the air asking people to leave Artie along and to remember that he is a good human being. I’m only human too, and I would imagine having to sit in the same room with Stern everyday would cause me to jump on a knife as well; stay sharp, Artie.

    n Stern to host “American Idolâ€: Rumor has it that Stern may replace Simon Cowell on “American Idol,†and this is good news for me, because I’ve never seen the show and I don’t plan to any time soon. The way I understand it, a bunch of folks get up and do karaoke and a group of judges (who themselves can’t sing) judge them. This would be a perfect job for Stern: An untalented man gets to sit back and judge other people.

    Part of Stern’s acute business acumen is that his detractors — such as myself — help keep his name in the headlines. For some reason, Americans would rather see a freak show than something that required talent to create.

    I’m sure if I took a camera crew into Andy Rooney’s house and when through his underwear drawer it would appeal to the voyeuristic neanderthal in all of us. Sure, there are thousands of shows and movies out there that took time and talent to put together, but our society doesn’t reward talent anymore; it rewards those who are willing to make a spectacle of themselves — see Howard Stern, Madonna and anybody that appears on MTV of their own free will.

    Will writing columns like this do any good? Probably not. I hope when future generations dig through the dirt and stone to discover our civilization, they will find this article and understand that not every member of our society curtsied to the lowest common denominator.

    Howard, you’re not funny anymore, so do us all a favor and drop off the face of the earth, you wig wearing clod.

    Jon Dawson’s columns appear every Tuesday and Thursday in the Free Press. Contact Jon at 252-559-1083 or at jdawson@freedomenc.com. Check out Jon’s blog at jdawson.encblogs.com and his website at jondawson.com.

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  2. FSFN

    FSFN Well-Known Member

    Jan 15, 2012
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    I'm not reading all of that.
  3. idiotbox

    idiotbox Looking for a dime and found a quarter.

    Dec 15, 2011
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  4. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

    Jan 15, 2012
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    That's from 2010? Wow. Love to see an updated article.
  5. Guts83

    Guts83 Active Member

    Jan 15, 2012
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    But seriously, /slowclap. Last line sealed the deal for me :D
  6. Cawn

    Cawn Active Member

    Dec 13, 2011
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    Lang. Artie Lang.

    Blogging: One finger qualifies you.
  7. Spazzmatazz

    Spazzmatazz Band Member Banned User

    Aug 20, 2010
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