Question for Everyone: Ever Had Bad Surprises in Bed?

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by peterfonda, Apr 4, 2013.

  1. peterfonda

    peterfonda Well-Known Member

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    Have you ever had the major hots for a girl only to be disappointed in her body once you got her naked in bed?

    Its happened to me a few times. Back in graduate school, there was a girl a year after me who was unbelievable - huge boobs under her sweaters, bubble ass, made me drop many a load thinking about her. I worked on her for awhile and when we finally hooked up, it was a huge disappointment - her boobs were floppy and shapeless once out of her bra, her ass was pimply and she smelled bad. We did it anyway but oofah, was I disappointed.

    You?
     
  2. Stinkfist

    Stinkfist Well-Known Member

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    My ampallang snagged my girlfriend's labia ring.

    Shit hurt.
     
  3. itpdude

    itpdude New Member

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    Oh my, what was the smell? Butt smell? General BO?

    The one major disappointment was a big-boobed chick wasn't actually big-boobed with the padding gone. She had a nice round ass, very shapely, but needed tits to even it out.

    Clothed? It was great. Not clothed? Not good. Unlike more intelligent men, I dated her for about 3 months. She was a nice girl but it was difficult to get over the false-advertising.
     
  4. cygnus2112

    cygnus2112 In The Prep Room

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    Nothing is worse than when you finally get with that hot girl you've wanted to bang for a while and then when she takes off her panties you see stains on them and she smells.
     
  5. Stinkfist

    Stinkfist Well-Known Member

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    I always went down, she never returned the favor. I swung her around 69 once to see if that would persuade her and caught a nosefull of fresh ass. Like she had just dropped a meaty duece.
     
  6. tHISisKiSSeL

    tHISisKiSSeL ♡❂❁❀♡ Gold

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    in my younger days, lead singer of a local band who was a high school friend of mine (or i thought we were friends) did a friend hookup and he had the smallest weiner i had ever seen outside of diaper changing kids i babysat. the small cock contest guys were horrifying and it wasn't at that level. total pencil dick. i didn't want to be his girlfriend before then and sure as fuck wouldn't after that. i always wondered about his girlfriends, like how are they into that?
     
  7. itpdude

    itpdude New Member

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    Oh, the worst surprise? I was banging this very pretty girl for about 2 weeks. She was fucking fantastic. Great fucking C tits, decent ass, very nice looking vagoo.

    So, we fuck one Saturday night (with protection) and she drops this on me. . . . "I need to tell you something." I get a bit nervous and she lets it out.

    "I have herpes." Made my ass jump out of bed, into the bathroom, into the shower, yelling at her the whole time. I got dressed and bitched at her and left and the next 6 months sucked ass. I was looking out for any sign of herpes, got tested three times, etc.

    Thankfully I was clear. Maybe the protection worked but you never know. Condoms leave a little shaft exposed and your balls? Well, they're slapping all up against that thang.
     
  8. peterfonda

    peterfonda Well-Known Member

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    General BO, like she hadn't showered in two days. Her pussy smelled like sweat but thankfully, no tuna.
     
  9. Funkadelic73

    Funkadelic73 Active Member VIP

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    Full-on bush, and the chick had stubbly legs. She wasn't planning on getting laid (obviously), but I'm just that good. Still, it put me off my feed.
     
  10. PappYawn

    PappYawn Well-Known Member Banned User

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    A guy you've been really excited about, we've gone out... It's on...
    Once we're into it... Smells like musty laundry, in the washer too long ,doesn't wash his towels, whatever. Who knows?
    If a grown man can't take care of himself, I am out.
     
  11. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    The other morning I was having a tug before work, and it was a good one. I came so hard that I blew a huge fart that lasted the entire duration of my ejaculation. Not sure if that's a "bad" surprise, but I'm glad I was alone when I did it.
     
  12. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    What the fuck is an "ampallang"? I'm afraid to Google it whilst at work.
     
  13. PappYawn

    PappYawn Well-Known Member Banned User

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    :roll:I think it's ipad auto correct "Applebag"
     
  14. BudBudha

    BudBudha Male Underwear Model

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    This thread :cwl:

    Where do I start...

    A college girlfriend with big cans was a virgin so when I finally got all her clothes off she had black hairy legs, treasure trail leading to the winter bush, and little thick hairs on her areolas :puke: She's Portuguese so hairy is an understatement :scared:
     
  15. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    Ohhhhh... that makes sense now. Thanks!
     
  16. Mr Vengeance

    Mr Vengeance Ladies love cool V. VIP

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    Sasquatch bush....had that thick bush smell.
     
  17. Yomama

    Yomama Well-Known Member

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    I was crushing on this guy for the longest time - he was hot, smart, funny, fun and successful. He seemed perfect.

    We finally went out and were getting hot and heavy when I put my hand down his pants and could barely find his penis. It was that small. I felt bad and desperately didn't want to embarrass him because I can imagine he was self conscious about it, so I slept with him (even though I literally felt nothing inside of me - it was like a finger) and I went over and beyond to make it an incredible sexual experience for him. Needless to say he was all over me forever after that (even asked me to marry him months later). I told him I just wanted to be friends and said I wasn't ready for a serious relationship- even though I was.

    Sorry guys - while size doesn't matter a lot - you have to have something for us to work with.
     
  18. rotten

    rotten Member

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    It is a piercing through a males genitals.
     
  19. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    Why the fuck would anyone do that?
     
  20. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    We do. It's called "laundry" and "the dishes".