type your city into Google followed by "boudoir photographers" Go straight to the Blog section of the hottest looking site you see under the Google Images tab, not the photo gallery of the site. You want the full sets of chicks' photo sessions If fate smiles on you, you might see someone you know... or the specialladyfriend of someone you know in their underwears
Take a banana, cut it in half, wrap half with tape to hold it together. Squeeze the banana and use the skin as a homemade fleshlight. Pro tip: you could probably heat the banana up for a more personal touch.