Discussion in 'The Bar' started by walterHwhite, Jun 1, 2015.
Ex-FIFA official references Onion article in self-defense on Facebook
Technically Incorrect: Jack Warner, one of the current and former FIFA executives indicted on charges of corruption last week, doesn't know from online satire. John Oliver cannot help laugh at him.
Few were surprised when a number of high-ranking FIFA executives were indicted on corruption charges last week.
Even fewer were surprised when the organization's president, Sepp Blatter, offered a wide-eyed innocence in a press conference.
World soccer's governing body is, indeed, the Church of the Blatter Day Saints.
Some members of the church, however, might be clinging onto their innocence a little too blindly. Former FIFA Vice President Jack Warner was one of those detained by authorities -- in his case, by the US Justice Department.
He's not happy. I know this because he took to his own Facebook page to launch a misguided missile in his defense.
It's interesting that on his Facebook page he describes himself as a politician. Indeed, his party is called the Independent and Liberal Party. Perhaps that's why he has an extremely liberal interpretation of what is news.
During his 8-minute mea-non-culpa, Warner accused the US of conspiracy. He held up a printed version of an article headlined: "FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States."
You might not have heard about this move. Principally because this article was from the Onion's very fine Web site. (Should you somehow not be familiar with the Onion, it is satire.)
Perhaps Warner believes that everything on the Web is true. For he railed against the US, while clutching this "report."
He hissed that it was unconscionable that the US would claim it could host a "summer World Cup 2015, from the very same organization that they are accusing of being corrupt. That has to be double standards."
Funny things, standards. It's amazing how they can multiply before one's very eyes.
"The U.S. applied to hold the World Cup in 2022 and they lost the bid to Qatar -- a small country, an Arabic country, a Muslim country," he said. Yes, it did. Some suspect that it lost because it wasn't prepared to offer the sorts of bribes that others cheerily extended.
"Take your losses like a man," Warner hissed. This would be the opposite of "Take your ill-gotten gains like a sneaky little thief," I imagine.
Warner has since removed the original video and replaced it with the Onion skins peeled away.
He's a wordy mother fucker
Most Jews are.
He's actually a nigggger