Smog makes you smarter, funnier. and better-equipped to defend yourself from enemies.

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by TripTo My Taint, Dec 11, 2013.

  1. TripTo My Taint

    TripTo My Taint Well-Known Member

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    What a fucking shit-hole China is...it was worse than Detroit.

    It's just a matter of time until the people rise up...certainly within the next several hundred years.


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    Smog makes you smarter. And funnier. And better-equipped to defend yourself from enemies. So says China, at least. As choking smog has rolled through its cities in recent weeks, the Chinese government has enumerated the benefits of dirty air.

    In America, we're used to our government, our industry and our media putting a spin on events to make the world seem a brighter, better place than it really is. But China is showing some impressive spin talent of its own, with a rationalization for pollution that is, quite literally, breathtaking.

    Much of China has been suffering through choking smog in recent weeks, which has hampered daily activities and forced the closure of schools. In response, the government published a list of reasons documenting the benefits of smog. Yes, benefits.

    A Time magazine translator indicated that Global Times offered up the following rationalizations for smog:

    1. It unifies the Chinese people.
    2. It makes China more equal.
    3. It raises citizen awareness of the cost of China’s economic development.
    4. It makes people funnier.
    5. It makes people more knowledgeable (of things like meteorology and the English word haze).

    That's some interesting rationalization. Following that line of thinking, hurricanes also unify people by forcing them to leave their isolated homes and gather in collectives. Tornadoes give people a sense of the power of nature. Wildfires place everyone on an equal footing by burning everyone's possessions to the ground. See? The problem isn't nature, the problem is you.

    Oh, but the disinformation campaign wasn't done. The Global Times, a newspaper connected to the Communist Party's preferred publication the People's Daily, noted that smog has a defensive benefit. “Smog may affect people’s health and daily lives," the newspaper wrote, "but on the battlefield, it can serve as a defensive advantage in military operations." The article pointed to military operations in Kosovo and Saudi Arabia that used smoke as a means of obscuring the enemy's sight lines and fouling electronic equipment. This takes "we had to burn the village to save it" to a completely new level.

    Assuming these comments are real — and the Chinese government historically has little patience for satire — it's a stunning attempt to deceive a populace about the true seriousness of a man-made environmental threat.

    In future weeks, expect the Chinese government to endorse smoking (toughens your lungs!), junk food (purchasing larger items of clothing helps the textile industry!) and reality television (gives you a healthy distrust of your closest friends and family!).








    http://news.yahoo.com/chinese-gover...t--and-aid-to-national-defense-174649885.html
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2013
  2. RenchFries

    RenchFries Official Dawgshed Dutch representative Gold

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    Fuck China.
     
  3. TripTo My Taint

    TripTo My Taint Well-Known Member

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    I believe China's fucking itself.
     
  4. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

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    Don't say that they have good food
     
  5. John

    John Member VIP

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    Which becomes even tastier after being exposed to the smog.
     
  6. stripes

    stripes Active Member Banned User

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    china has more problems than the rest of the world combined, excluding the continent of Africa of course. their phony economy that the money guys are ignoring because of their own self interests will implode despite their best efforts
     
  7. RenchFries

    RenchFries Official Dawgshed Dutch representative Gold

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    [video=youtube;P4OSqtYkNZg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4OSqtYkNZg[/video]