So does the Bible advocate, or condemn the beating of one's meat ??

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Gomez, Jun 6, 2013.

  1. Gomez

    Gomez Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    I don't care what the Bible says, Ima commit spermicide
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2013
  2. Napoleon V2

    Napoleon V2 New Member Banned User

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    [video=youtube;fUspLVStPbk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUspLVStPbk[/video]
     
  3. Dream Theater

    Dream Theater DAWGS E-BULLY Squad Gold

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    :yell: PAGING MATTHEW T!
     
  4. Gomez

    Gomez Well-Known Member

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    I'm on an old computer at work, is that gif working?
     
  5. crazypreacher

    crazypreacher Hey yo

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  6. MatthewT

    MatthewT Awaiting The Rapture VIP

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    i don't know :nocheer:

    i guess if you weren't lusting in your heart, you wouldn't be fornicating or commiting adultery :bigthink

    also, the story of Onan is not about masturbation, but about Onan's failure to raise up a son in tribute to his dead brother, thereby propagating his dead brother's legacy and inheritance rights. oh, Onan is the story about "spilling his seed on the ground" in the bible. Onan pulled out. of his dead brother's wife. now his wife. by tradition.

    maybe i should start over :bigthink
     
  7. Gomez

    Gomez Well-Known Member

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    dude he totally jacks off .... prolly on the Bible
     
  8. MatthewT

    MatthewT Awaiting The Rapture VIP

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    nothing in the bible is remotely fappable :wtf:
     
  9. Vyb

    Vyb serial chiller Gold

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    Old Testament has some banging of the handmaidens n shit. :jerk:
     
  10. Babs

    Babs Well-Known Member

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    Some kinda thing about thinking evil is as bad as doing it.
    If that is true I am totally fucked.
     
  11. MatthewT

    MatthewT Awaiting The Rapture VIP

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    well, true, some of the stories would make for good prOn :bigthink

    for instance, you have Jacob marrying one sister, then marrying the other sister, then banging the first sister's handmaiden, then banging the second sister's handmaiden, and having kids by all of them :jj:
     
  12. MatthewT

    MatthewT Awaiting The Rapture VIP

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    if you know a thing to be good and do not do it, that also is counted as sin


    we're all sinners = bad news

    Jesus only saves sinners = good news
     
  13. HeinousMark

    HeinousMark Creepy-Ass Cracka VIP

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    Venerable Scholar Of The Bible Father Guido Sarducci once explained that all sin is like a fine when you get to St. Peter, and if your fine is too high, you go to Hell instead of Heaven. Stealing a loaf of bread might= $10... rape= $1000... Murder= $10,000... Masturbation....= about 50 cents. But that can add up real fast! :c
     
  14. HeinousMark

    HeinousMark Creepy-Ass Cracka VIP

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    I just had a disgusting realization: Gawd sees everything, right? So He WATCHES men jack off.....that is some sick mutherfuckin' shit buddy! :barf:
     
  15. Gomez

    Gomez Well-Known Member

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    HeyZuess prolly squeezed off a few back in the day :coffee:
     
  16. Magnificent Mr. Hole

    Magnificent Mr. Hole Well-Known Member

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    Then licks it off?
     
  17. gwartney

    gwartney Unafilliated Gold

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    You're allowed to flog yourself but then you have to self flagellate yourself afterwards.
     
  18. tomtom

    tomtom Well-Known Member

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    Mary magdalen. The books the Catholics voted to not be in the new testament had her as Jesus's wife and pregnant with his son fleeing as he was crucified for his words. If she's hot enough for him.....
     
  19. ScottBaiosPenis

    ScottBaiosPenis Well-Known Member

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    If you need to pump one out and the only thing handy is the bible, give this passage a shot

    19
    Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.[a]

    Ezekiel 23:19-21