I was there earlier today. Mothers and fathers grave. I didn't know what to say when I was there....to tell you the truth. I played hockey in high school and wanted to play in the NHL. My mother didn't believe in that. "You won't make it, she said. You need a back up in life" But I played in college and made it. Playing in the AHL and getting a couple games on a call up. I know she just wanted me to be ok in life...I think. I now raise my little sister by myself(parents passed away), who's not so little anymore. I've fought and raised her since she was 12 and took my hockey money to make sure she's OK. But again, I didn't know what to say at the grave. How do you stand at a grave of people who gave birth to you and not know what to say? They never abused me. Is it just to not know what to say at my mothers grave...or my fathers? Maybe I'm just cold. Maybe I have just been under so much pressure from a young age. I don't blame anyone though deep down? I love my little sister with ALL my heart. I'd die for her. So I know I'm not cold. I loved playing in the league traveling(AHL), playing my ass off to make it big time...the big league. Which I did for a short time. An EXTREMELY very short time. Knee injury(caught in a zamboni door) took me out at a young age. When I laid against that board, all I thought was about my sister, as I could see and feel my knee destroyed under my skin. I swear, I thought about my sister. Like a knife twisting in my knee and cartilage...all I thought about. Kind of get mad that my parents were not alive, because my money and life were gone and so was my sisters backing in life. I just wish I could provide her with more. I have my apt in NY and a small home I rent out in NJ(doesn't make much for me) but I wish things turned out different and I could provide so much more in life to her. I'm so afraid to ask her if I haven't done enough in life for her. I really am. It's why I am writing this. I'm kind of just sitting at home thinking of things and as much as I work out and watch hockey on TV, I get mad that my lower body(knee) is gone. AND TRUST ME I KNOW, THERE'S A LOT OF MEN AND WOMEN GOING THROUGH WAY MORE SHIT ON HERE, so I mean NO DISRESPECT! Just hate sometimes that I get down on myself. I guess I'm just like everyone else. A person who's busted their ass and wanted more. *Give me any shit I deserve. I'll regret this and a girl friend post I posted here...I expect some shit HAHA! You know why? Because it makes me laugh. I love that I found this place in May last year. It has gotten me through so much shit in the last year that I have had to deal with and the threads and comments always make me laugh. That's what counts here, at least for me. Sorry for my shitty crying thread guys. Just wanted to talk to my Dawgers for a bit. A good place to outlet.