Some sexual tips for you men trying to get it right.

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Slippy, Nov 18, 2012.

  1. Slippy

    Slippy Well-Known Member VIP

    Reputations:
    27,710
    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2010
    Messages:
    34,621
    Likes Received:
    3,588
    When you choke a bitch out...don't rest your 200 lbs against her chest bone. Makes us sore for days.

    When we're getting "close" - don't suddenly decide to switch up the pace or position. Then we gotta start all over again.

    Don't fucking narrate...that's just irritating.

    S'all I got for the moment, but I'm sure I'll think of a few more.
     
  2. cheezedbyfate

    cheezedbyfate Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    752
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2011
    Messages:
    5,501
    Likes Received:
    85
    can i nut now???
     
  3. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock VIP

    Reputations:
    121,157
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    22,107
    Likes Received:
    23,604
    I have no interest in ckokin' a bitch.

    You're freaky.
     
  4. Babs

    Babs Well-Known Member VIP

    Reputations:
    125,621
    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2012
    Messages:
    65,254
    Likes Received:
    19,650
    Do what we tell ya to. that is all.
     
  5. Popeye Saavedra

    Popeye Saavedra Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    80,644
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2012
    Messages:
    37,710
    Likes Received:
    2,138
    Tips for Slippy for when I bang you:

    1) Shut the fuck up and bend over.
    2) You don't tell me shit. I tell you and you do it.
    3) Don't complain about the ice cold beer that is resting on your ass while I bang you doggy style.
    4) If it gets in your eyes, I meant to shoot it in your eyes. Deal with it.
     
  6. Billy Brown

    Billy Brown Thinking big VIP

    Reputations:
    71,393
    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    38,031
    Likes Received:
    5,474
    You're boring. Chicks love that.
     
  7. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock VIP

    Reputations:
    121,157
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    22,107
    Likes Received:
    23,604
    I'm ok with that. Violent sex is not my thing.
     
  8. Slippy

    Slippy Well-Known Member VIP

    Reputations:
    27,710
    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2010
    Messages:
    34,621
    Likes Received:
    3,588
    oooooo...another one: If you goddamn know you aren't going to finish, don't keep pounding us like a cut of veal. Let it go and save it up for the next round.
     
  9. Popeye Saavedra

    Popeye Saavedra Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    80,644
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2012
    Messages:
    37,710
    Likes Received:
    2,138
    I don't understand the concept of not finishing. I'm not kidding.
     
  10. hidden dragon

    hidden dragon the princess of darkness Staff Member

    Reputations:
    518,793
    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    85,567
    Likes Received:
    57,592
    Yeah, that is annoying.
     
  11. FatKidSullivan

    FatKidSullivan Smoking Cigars

    Reputations:
    56,160
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2011
    Messages:
    46,251
    Likes Received:
    14,638
    The only girl who ever asked me to choke her was batshit fucking insane. I was afraid I was going to murder her. I've asked friends, and they say the same. It's weird.
     
  12. Reggae Mistress

    Reggae Mistress Old Catcher's Mitt

    Reputations:
    206,202
    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2012
    Messages:
    21,469
    Likes Received:
    5,158
    Tell em, Sista!
     
  13. FtM

    FtM Starless & Bible Black Gold

    Reputations:
    14,003
    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2011
    Messages:
    43,718
    Likes Received:
    1,646
    Ummmm...I'm fairly vanilla with a bit of light pain-related stuff like spanking, biting, and scratching.

    I will add this...

    If you're going to pull a woman's hair, only grab the hair at the nape of the neck.

    If you don't eat pussy or have sex with a woman on her period, you should just give up and PM Mario pictures of your junk.
     
  14. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

    Reputations:
    155,538
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2011
    Messages:
    60,290
    Likes Received:
    19,411
    choking should be done from behind. done from in front you either lean on the girl or you fall on her. ruin the mood.

    i always wonder about those porno films where just as the girl is about to cum, the guy takes a breather. that's got to be frustrating for both of them.

    I also hate when the girls "direct". only sounds should be coming out of the girls' mouth not sentences, questions, or detailed directions.

    if i'm doing it right you should only be able to scream, moan, and cry "oh god". anything else means its time to watch tv.
     
  15. GHP

    GHP New Member Banned User

    Reputations:
    37
    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2010
    Messages:
    40,383
    Likes Received:
    6
    If you want to fuck my sister just say so. I'll set up a threesome
     
  16. Popeye Saavedra

    Popeye Saavedra Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    80,644
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2012
    Messages:
    37,710
    Likes Received:
    2,138
    Plenty of chicks like that. The degree of choking is a whole different matter.
     
  17. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock VIP

    Reputations:
    121,157
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    22,107
    Likes Received:
    23,604
    Agreed
     
  18. Slippy

    Slippy Well-Known Member VIP

    Reputations:
    27,710
    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2010
    Messages:
    34,621
    Likes Received:
    3,588
    Tips for Popeye:

    Best wear a helmet and elbow pads and shinpads, with an attitude like that.

    Limber up before-hand, as well. Nobody needs to pull a groin muscle. That shit hurts.
     
  19. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock VIP

    Reputations:
    121,157
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    22,107
    Likes Received:
    23,604
    In
     
  20. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

    Reputations:
    155,538
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2011
    Messages:
    60,290
    Likes Received:
    19,411
    you knew chiva's ex-gf?