Stern Limericks for a Slow Friday (You surely can do better than these!)

A pelican of the homosexual variety
Wanted acceptance from High Society
So he went out and bought
A transgendered escort
Only adding to his closeted anxiety

There was a gold digger named Beth
Her marriage resulted in death
To great radio as we knew it
Into morning zoo - but we saw through it
Now even that's breathing its last breath

A failed model with wonky eyes
Poor posture and thunder thighs
Despite hubby's money
Proved too much of a dummy
To become anything but a (square) booby prize

Howard Stern he never rests
In his constant marble quests
Turning a 5day habitual medium
Into infrequently-heard tedium
Boring the few left with the same has-been guests

A big as a house Robin Quivers
When it comes to nutrition delivers
A cry to "eat right or die"
One she doesn't personify
Appearing closer to joining Joan Rivers

Is this really the Howard we knew?
Declaring beaver-sightings and BJs taboo?
His idea of marital bliss is
Strange girthy dicks in his missus
While creating seminal goo

Ben and Rae tried but they couldn't fix her
"What do you expect from a dumb as nails shiksa?"
So why get upset
Knowing this is what you get
When you buy a for-rent on demand cum-mixer?

A faux model Monsoon labeled "Moose"
Drinks to excess whenever let loose
Whether taking a tumble
Or cringe-worthy verbal stumble
It stems back to a lack of man juice

 

shirley I cant

 

These are genius! You really have quite a talent.

 

A berry faced flamer named Ralph
Tried to jam Howie's bits in his mouth
He got quite a scare with all that grey hair
And ran screaming out of the house

 

Amazing Beth got up late today
And with her kittens she did play
A few tweets she decided to whore
While most think she's just a bore
At 5 to dinner she and Howard did go
Then off to party with wine and blow
She got a little too tipsy and she fell
Her and the cats can go straight to hell

 

There was once a man named Howard
Who married twice and became a coward
while working thrice a week
this anorexic geek
on life, he has totally soured

 

Stern68 joined the shed
Acted like a dick, it went to his head
With no friends now and no position to support
He hates Beth O, or so he purports
Why won't he shut up and just go away
His posts are so lame, he pretends to be gay
I know the truth, it's plain to see
That Stern68 is really Sally B

 

Howard Stern denies it's a wig,
and seemingly likes his cocks big.
He's got bright shiny teeth
Fucks Beth with a sheath
and his sack looks like a dry little fig

 

Beth is a cunt
Who I'd like to punt
Howard wears his wig
Talks about cocks that are beer can big
Uh...Beth is a cunt.

Sorry, I ran out of steam...

 

Roses am red Violets be blue
Robins a Ningress and Howards a Jew.
OK, it's not a limerick.

 

The radio show once was gold
but Howard then got to be old
He gave up the bars
to go hang with stars
It's clear that the fans got rolled

 

Even Stern's most ardent backers
Would concede the remaining wack packers
With their contrived phony shtick
Ain't today worth a lick
With the passing of the last ack ack ackers

 

Quivers claimed to be one with health
She ran a big race under stealth
Claimed veggies were the answer
but then came down with the cancer
No cure can be found with her wealth

 

Beth thinks she once was a model
But brown dicks is all she would coddle
She fucked a coon of the dune
Not knowing real soon
would stroll in a wig with a wattle

 

An escort model named Beth
Saw her career coming close to its death
Bouncing on cocks, rimming dumb jocks
Only kept her in cheaply made frocks

Then one night at a party, she arrived there quite tardy
And met her next turkey-necked mark
She went back to his place
Let him goo in her face
Now she's swimming in jewelry and lace

 

Zena Buddysgirl is so lame
All their mods are just the same
Her c*nt is so dusty and dry
No man would even try
To get his pecker wet
Who knows what he might get
AIDS from a low viral load, maybe a sore
From this dry w*ore.

 

Who is that ugly motherf*cker?

 

For Alison Howard had little use
She put up with the on air abuse
Knowing her day would come
To grab the the money and run
And now laughs at her replacement Moose

 

Performing live tonight in Madison Square Garden..Her big debut..Give a hand ladies and gentlemen, Please welcome..
.
Big Headed Beth and the Botox Barnacles. Wooooh!!!

Botox!
Has takin my sight
Takin my speech
Lump on my forehead
My Husbands a Fag
As Thin as a Twig
Wears a black Wig
Left me with life in hell!!!

 

Work gives Howard the blues
And so does the lack of the cooz
He loves nothing but money
Has lost all his funny
He wants to be King of the Jews