Strangest Place you have ever rubbed one out...oh teh pleasures

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by DrSublux, Oct 23, 2015.

  1. DrSublux

    DrSublux Who am dis VIP

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    http://now8news.com/jimmy-dean-sausage-in-walmart-bathroom/

    News 8 Louisiana – Police are calling this a crime of the unthinkable, something that most people would never imagine doing. On Monday, police were called to a Louisiana Walmart under the suspicion that a customer was shoplifting food. According to the complaint, a Walmart worker radioed security about a suspicious woman in the meat aisle. Security cameras filmed 33-year-old Shaniqua Johnson shoving sausages under her shirt. CCTV footage then shows the woman walking to the bathroom, where she remained for at least 30 minutes.

    The male security guard says he knocked on the bathroom door several times but the woman did not respond. He then announced he was entering. What he found behind the door of the unlocked stall is something he said will “haunt his dreams forever.” The security guard reports when he entered the stall, Johnson was inappropriately pleasing herself with a Jimmy Dean package of sausage. He said that when he entered “She didn’t even stop. She just stared at me and kept going.”

    Shocked, and also frightened for his safety due to the fact that Johnson is a “big girl,” the 140 pound security guard said he ran out until police arrived. When they did, female officers entered the restroom with Johnson still “putting in work with the sausage.” All in all, it took 7 police officers to restrain Johnson and pry the victimized sausage out of the woman’s hands. She was arrested and taken into custody where she was charged with shoplifting, indecent exposure, and resisting arrest. Walmart management said in no way do they tolerate this type of behavior. They have a strict policy against shoplifters and a sign on the bathroom door that clearly reads, “No merchandise allowed beyond this point.”

    [​IMG]
     
  2. Johnnykstaint

    Johnnykstaint VIP Extreme Gold

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    30 minutes....why the fuck does it take some people so long to get off?
     
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  3. DrSublux

    DrSublux Who am dis VIP

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    if you looked like that and were hacking off to your own image in the mirror....yea I can see it
     
  4. DrSublux

    DrSublux Who am dis VIP

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    or maybe she had a snack break
     
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  5. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

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    Maybe she was hungry and trying to feed herself and shoving it in one hole just isn't enough.
     
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  6. !!!kaboom!!!

    !!!kaboom!!! Well-Known Member Banned User

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    Product placement for Jimmy Dean -- aren't those sausages like 2 inches, though?
     
  7. Capn Crud

    Capn Crud The Pride of Cucamonga VIP Gold

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    Yeah

    2 inches in diameter :worried:
     
  8. walterHwhite

    walterHwhite Heisenberg

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    2"? @AnimalGod
     
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  9. Shivvy

    Shivvy 100k Post Club

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    thats a woman? :jj:
     
  10. Rod-Stroker

    Rod-Stroker Streptococcus Gingivitis Halllllllllllllitosis

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    Cunt must be a huge cavernous pit
     
  11. Capn Crud

    Capn Crud The Pride of Cucamonga VIP Gold

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    :hole:
     
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  12. geo

    geo Well-Known Member

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    Walmart management said in no way do they tolerate this type of behavior. They have a strict policy against shoplifters and a sign on the bathroom door that clearly reads, “No merchandise allowed beyond this point.”

    walmart draws the line at masturbating with meat products in their restrooms :snicker:
     
  13. Mike

    Mike 'Merica Gold

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    I don't think the indecent exposure charge will stick. She went into a bathroom stall
     
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  14. O Face

    O Face VIP Extreme Gold

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    In Blackhawk Down, the author talks about combat jacks, where the soldiers would rub one out in combat for the lulz :jj:
     
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  15. Austinchota

    Austinchota Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  16. Danas Boyfrien

    Danas Boyfrien Trump's African American Gold

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    Burlington Coat Factory dressing room. :facepalm:
     
  17. computer blue

    computer blue Well-Known Member

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    It's a fake story. now8news.com is a satirical news site. :secret:
     
  18. DiamondGoddess

    DiamondGoddess Born Ready for My Close-Up! Gold

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    Imagine the smell...