Tis the season for teenage girls to give birth to unwanted children in high school bathroom stalls and beautiful dresses to lie crumpled in a pile in the corner of limos. As for me, well, I was on double not so secret probation for some youthful indiscretions up until a week before prom. I had planned not to attend but to hang out at the meeting place of the after hours party until people arrived later, which seemed like a perfectly good solution. Then the man ruined this plan by telling me I could go a week before the dance. So here I was a week before the dance with no date and no plans. I didn't want to go but my parents pushed the issue with threats about it being a lifelong memory. Being the silver tongued devil that I am, I quickly made the day of a girl who did not yet have a date by inviting her. I jumped in on severely overpriced plans my friends had put together. Then I had an agreement with another friend who was not drinking (longtime girlfriend and this was going to be their big night) to be the wheelman for the evening. The dance sucked. The after hours party was in a hotel room overlooking Lake Michigan. It was nice. I got shitfaced on cheap beer. My friend drove us home and I puked out of the car window. My date jumped out of the car at the end of the night without saying goodbye because she was pissed at me for puking and lack of attention. I don't remember the moment but my friend told me all he heard as she slammed the car door was a faint "Sorry" from me. I had a double header baseball game starting early the next morning and was severely hung over. Overall, my parents were correct, it was a lifelong memory.