The Lame Joke Thread

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by blairg, Jan 27, 2012.

  1. blairg

    blairg loving Mari

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    So a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

    The bartender says "wow, that's pretty fucking cool, where did you get it?"

    The parrot replied "from Africa, they got millions of them!"

    :rs:
     
  2. P-B

    P-B Honourary Canuck Gold

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    What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?


    You can't make a vitamin.
     
  3. Lever

    Lever New Member Banned User

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    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 23, 2014
  4. Stevie

    Stevie Now go...Ohm.

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    How did Hitler tie hizz sneakers?






    In little Nazis.
     
  5. blairg

    blairg loving Mari

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    A mother wakes up to find that all three of her sons had found her bullets and each eaten one. She takes them to the doctor and the doctor says "no need to worry, they will piss or shit the bullets out in the next fews days."

    Next day the youngest son comes into his moms bedroom yelling "mommy mommy I shit the bullet out"

    Day after that the middle son comes running into his moms bedroom yelling "mommy mommy I pissed the bullet out"

    Day after that the oldest son runs into his moms bedroom crying, yelling "mommy mommy I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

    :rs:
     
  6. Vashier

    Vashier VIP Extreme Gold

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    A piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender refuses to serve him. They don't serve string

    The string walks out and ties himself into a bow, crushes the fibers at both ends and walks back in

    He orders his drink and the bartender asks, "I thought I just told you we don't serve string" to which he replied.... "Frayed Knot?".
     
  7. idiotbox

    idiotbox Looking for a dime and found a quarter. VIP

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    A seal walks into a club,
     
  8. blairg

    blairg loving Mari

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    alert :facepalm:
     
  9. Partyxanimal

    Partyxanimal Well-Known Member

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    2 young brothers are sitting in their room talking
    One says " you know what , i'm going to start cussing today" and walks into the kitchen.

    Brother1 says "Mom give me some of them God Damn peanuts"
    the mom slaps the shit out of him and yells "Go to your room.
    Then she turns to brother2 and says "What do you want?"
    Brother2 says " I dont want any of them God Damn peanuts"
     
  10. tomtom

    tomtom Well-Known Member

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    A guy goes into confession, says, Father, forgive me, I committed adultery. Mrs Jones from the flower shop came into my deli for a sandwich, nobody was there, next thing you know she is flirting with me. She comes around the counter, drops to her knees and starts blowing me. I stand her up, hike up her skirt and bend her over the butcher block and start doing her hard. I'm going at it, she is wailing, I'm smacking her ass, she is telling me to call her a slut and....

    Then the priest interrupts and says, "Horowitz, is that you, you're not even Catholic, why are you telling me this?"

    Horowitz says, "are you kidding, I'm telling everyone"
     
  11. zingger

    zingger Judge and jury Gold

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    Schmoopy
     
  12. blairg

    blairg loving Mari

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    Did you here about the blonde who got decapitated?

    She hit the ejection button flying in a helicopter!

    :rs:
     
  13. blairg

    blairg loving Mari

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    :rs:
     
  14. blairg

    blairg loving Mari

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    How many Jews does it take to fill up an ashtray?

    6 million!

    :rs:
     
  15. Francis Begbie

    Francis Begbie New Member

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    Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

    A: You fuck her.
     
  16. blairg

    blairg loving Mari

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    Go suck Levers cock while Shine fucks you in the ass.

    :rs:
     
  17. jackie the jerk

    jackie the jerk Not Mexican VIP

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    This faggit is playing pool with some old blind dude in a walker, the faggit barely beats him by one ball, faggit starts jumping around like a faggit who just won the superbowl. Old blind man take offense to this and proceeds to beat the shit out of the faggit, a part left out was the old blind dude stuck the leg of the walker in his ass after the beatdown.

    :shit:
     
  18. blairg

    blairg loving Mari

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    You forgot :rs:
     
  19. This Fucker

    This Fucker An Outsider looking in

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    Did you hear about the mortician who was a necrophiliac?

    He loved to bury himself in his work.
     
  20. zingger

    zingger Judge and jury Gold

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    Good news is you're going to the finest hotels in Germany.

    Bad news is you're going as soap and lampshades.