1. I have a lump in my right armpit that hurts. 2. I have officially been banned from SportClips. 3. The Ford Escape rides through snow about as well as my dick fits into a horses ass. 4. I was hit on by two hairy Iranian men at the gym yesterday. 5. Someone explain to me why I feel the need to purchase a $150 northface vest. 6. When is a person too old to shop at Old Navy for tee shirts? 7. I can't play Alien Isolation because I get motion sickness and have hot flashes. 8. Wasn't this place called the Saloon? Thank you for your time.