Thieving Broads get Caught

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by queerface, Jul 7, 2014.

  1. queerface

    queerface Un-engaged Dyke Gold

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    This guy left his shit on the beach while he dropped his kids off to take a nap. He came back to find these ugly bitches trying to steal his shit.
     
  2. HooHoo

    HooHoo Well-Known Member

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    First rule of stealing a beach canopy is know how to steal a beach canopy.
     
  3. Senator Rick

    Senator Rick Well-Known Member

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    Amazing clip!
    The words "shameless" and "brazen'" leaps to mind.
    Is there more of this confrontation available?
    It was just starting to really get weirder.
    Where did this occur?
    Why was the woman in the red swim suit trying to attack the guy?
     
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  4. queerface

    queerface Un-engaged Dyke Gold

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    Here is his side of the tale.

    "We were enjoying a great family day at the beach. My sons needed a nap. We were staying a block from the beach and decided to walk them home, and leave our chairs and canopy set up. I've been to New Smyrna Beach a thousand times and felt it was safe enough to do so. We were gone for about an hour and a half.

    My dad is a local and mentioned that Beach Patrol may pick up items that are left alone. I was skeptical but volunteered to check.

    My sister, Lib, offered to join as I was walking out the door but I told her I'd take care of it. From the boardwalk I was dismayed that I didn't see my canopy set up. Then I spotted our chairs loaded up in our beach cart with two women (attempting) to break down the canopy. I ran down the ramp to the beach and pulled out my iPhone to share what I was seeing with my wife and sister back at the house.

    If I were to judge a book by its cover, theft would not have been my first thought. I honestly thought they were being neighborly because NSB is Mayberry on the beach. I was surprised when they said it was theirs and stuck with the story. They were grasping for straws by saying my oldest son's beach toy belonged to them. I offered to let them move along but the one woman "was not making it slide."

    Her partner aka Tankini threatened to "take that camera and put it in the grass." There wasn't a blade of grass in sight so you know she meant business. She slapped at my phone, scratching the screen with a ring. I thought it was hilarious that this lady that was clearly in the wrong was actually coming at me. I did not intentionally stop the recording.

    What followed was pure gold. I continued to back up as we went around the canopy frame. In the most bizarre moment she gnashed her teeth, lunging at me with an open palm and said, "I'll grab your dick!" I appreciated the offer but didn't feel the chemistry was there.

    The two then said they needed to call "Pat", which may or may not have been the androgynous SNL character. He or she was going to apparently clarify what they were doing with my stuff. Lady in Red said, "We need to get a phone, but not his. His phone is tainted." They then scurried off towards the parking lot.

    I couldn't believe what just happened. I messaged the vid to my wife and sister back at the beach house, just the video without a message. The way the video ends I can now understand their concern. They told me they got in the car immediately and called the police right away. My wife, sister, and niece arrived a few minutes later, Beach Patrol a few minutes after that.

    I explained that nothing was taken and the "assault" didn't warrant filing a police report or pressing charges. The Beach Patrol Officer explained that this never happens in New Smyrna Beach, which I agree with wholeheartedly. The 4th of July holiday brought out large crowds of beachgoers and a few bad apples had less than the best intentions. We've definitely learned that you shouldn't leave your belongings unattended, even in Mayberry."

     
  5. blindbella

    blindbella Well-Known Member

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    Wow. Total bitches. I would have been screaming my head off at them.
     
  6. queerface

    queerface Un-engaged Dyke Gold

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    I would not have been as nice. I might have instructed them on how to do the manual labor of breaking down my property, then informed them that I appreciated their efforts, and I would then take my shit.
     
  7. GIRLY

    GIRLY OV

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    Menopausal cunts!
     
  8. HooHoo

    HooHoo Well-Known Member

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    Combination of fear and oldlady adrenaline. She thought she would rage her way out of the situation but it serves as little more than testimony to her guilt.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2014
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  9. Senator Rick

    Senator Rick Well-Known Member

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    What a solidly grounded, well-mannered gentleman this guy is.
    I would have gone all redneck ghetto on the heathen.
    Best laugh today.
     
  10. Senator Rick

    Senator Rick Well-Known Member

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    Damn!
    Rational explanation of the inexplicable.
    Perfect.
     
  11. Beth143nacho

    Beth143nacho Well-Known Member VIP

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    Why not call the police/beach patrol first, then film as you go in? That way, you catch the women and make them pay for breaking your canopy. It's clearly broken on the top left, likely because they didn't know how to disassble it and the canopies are destroyed If you dent the crossbeams...
     
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  12. MFnAntiChrist

    MFnAntiChrist Well-Known Member Banned User

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    Stupid fat whiteys.

    Those tents are like 69 bucks at Costco. Fucking slobs.
     
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  13. monsoon

    monsoon Who are you with?

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    What a golden opportunity to beat the living shit out of someone...The second one of those bitches attacked I would have been all over it....
    But I get told all the time I am not a nice person...but seriously...get to beat the shit out of 2 bitches and get away with it.....:mad:

    f-mutt
     
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  14. Rob0729

    Rob0729 Well-Known Member

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    It takes a lot of balls or a lot of stupidity to actually try to steal a canopy that is set up by trying to take it down and pack it up on a crowed beach. Even if you know what you are doing, it is going to take you 10 minutes to take it down and set it up.
     
  15. artful dodger

    artful dodger Well-Known Member

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    i'm tellin you right now i would've knocked that bitch the fuck out in 2 seconds and not even think twice
     
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  16. StRyDeRxX

    StRyDeRxX Bling Bling Gold

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    Nothing surprises me these days. These old cunts probably robbed half the beach before getting caught red handed by this dude. Karma's a bitch so lets all hope they get whats coming to them!
     
  17. Ta Ta Toothy

    Ta Ta Toothy Well-Known Member

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    We have become a nation of entitlement whores. Imagine getting caught stealing someone's stuff and then getting all indignant about it??? No shame. No apologies. Just "How dare you interrupt my committing a crime!"
     
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  18. HooHoo

    HooHoo Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure they've stolen a ton of shit, they've got the perfect cover -- who is going to look twice at a couple of old white post-menopausals stealing beach equipment in the middle of the day. Its perfect. Like oldlady bankrobbers but not nearly as adorable.

    My only question is how they're not even thought out enough to have some kind of a bullshit story ready to go on a moment's notice. Instead they're stammering and then finally reacting like cornered rats. Maybe they really were just amateurs.
     
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  19. Senator Rick

    Senator Rick Well-Known Member

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    Isn't it odd that they don't appear to be crack ho's?
    eBay addicts or habitual yard sale merchants?
     
  20. Chimney Portions

    Chimney Portions I drink cum Banned User

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    Dumb savages!

    If you're going to steal shit in broad daylight, at least have a plan first.

    They should have said, "We saw it sitting here unattended and asked everybody if it was theirs. We figured we'd take it down and bring it to the lost and found."

    or

    "We asked who this belonged to and people said they saw the owners leave. We didn't want any kids to ruin it or get hurt playing on it."

    Maybe not entirely believable, but it at least gives them a chance of saving face and not looking like the total shithead scumbags they are.