WTF This is what I get for trying to shop at Walmart

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by XuXu, Jul 11, 2016.

  1. XuXu

    XuXu Well-Known Member

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    Ok, so I go to the gym today and afterwards I had to go to the store since I promised my son we would get more bubble juice. Shouldn't be complicated, right? Walmart is the closest store so I pull into the parking lot, and I notice one of my son's preschool teachers is getting into her car, so we say hi and then I park. Well, I go to get my son out of the backseat, undo his buckles, take his hand to help him out, the usual drill. As I'm helping my little boy out of the car, I feel something hit my leg, turn around and it's some douche in a minivan. I go "are you being serious right now?", astounded at what just happened. This jerkoff, starts yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs that he wasn't anywhere near me, I'm a liar, etc.

    My son's pre-k teacher is right there, having seen the whole thing and was like, "seriously? you just hit her with your car? Are you crazy?" The guy, having gotten out at this point, starts aggressively lunging at her, yelling and screaming. I'm genuinely worried for her safety so I'm like it's ok, it's ok, trying to get her to get in her car cuz the guy is freaking me out. So, I head into the store, thinking once I walk away, that's the end of it, but no, he's stalking me in the store, telling me his uncle is a detective and if I'm looking for a lawsuit I came to the wrong guy. I'm freaked out at this point and call my husband, who says he's leaving work to come to the store right now and to call the police.

    Then I notice there are cop cars outside and see the guy heading out to them. I also notice that my son's pre-k teacher is still out there and she' talking to the 1st cop. So I head out, figuring with like 3 cop cars it should be safe enough to go to my car. I go up to where she's at, tell him my side of the story, give him my info and then he lets me and her go.

    On my way home, I pull over, call my husband and tell him not to come, that it's ok and I'm heading home. Then I pull back onto the main road to head home and all of a sudden I realize that he's in front of me. I hang back, but then he's turning on my street and I turn as well. Then I see the light is turning red and I don't wanna get stuck at a red light with this nut, so I turn off into some apartment complex. I turn around and come back out and as I'm driving to my house I pass right by him. I saw him up ahead, getting his 5 bags of flaming hot cheetos out of the trunk. I knew it was him cuz he's wearing a lime green/yellow neon matching muscle shirt and shorts, your average douchebag outfit.

    Anyway, thought I'd get a little of the stress of the situation out by typing this here. I know what comments await me, don't worry. :jj:
     
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  2. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    Wow.
     
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  3. XuXu

    XuXu Well-Known Member

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    I should've just stayed home today. :facepalm:
     
  4. bennymuso

    bennymuso Italian by name, British by nature

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    Americans.
     
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  5. XuXu

    XuXu Well-Known Member

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    Mind you, there were PLENTY of other parking spaces.
     
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  6. freds

    freds you broke it VIP

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    you type very well.
     
  7. XuXu

    XuXu Well-Known Member

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    Thanks! :hug:
     
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  8. gwartney

    gwartney Unafilliated Gold

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    So now you know where he lives. Do you have any all black clothing? You could really relieve some stress late tonight.
     
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  9. freds

    freds you broke it VIP

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    did he have any tattoos? like "Biff" or "Larry?"
     
  10. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    Does anyone have cliffnotes?
     
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  11. XuXu

    XuXu Well-Known Member

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    When he was yelling at me in the store, I was like "what are you on, meth?" This guy was tweaked out like a mofo.
     
  12. Calloused Shins

    Calloused Shins Well-Known Member

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    Bubble juice doesn't sound very tasty.





















    Hope you're ok and fuck that nut
     
  13. iloveyoubut

    iloveyoubut Well-Known Member

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    Seriously, you should buy some pepper spray and put it in the driver's side door compartment. Or a small air horn to use when in distress.
     
  14. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    You lost me at walmart.
     
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  15. XuXu

    XuXu Well-Known Member

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    That's what we call it when you have a 4 year old. :jj:
     
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  16. freds

    freds you broke it VIP

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    wrestling fags shop at walmart.
     
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  17. gwartney

    gwartney Unafilliated Gold

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    I read it all, Bro. No carbs or Knives were harmed in this incident.
     
  18. XuXu

    XuXu Well-Known Member

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    I know I suck, but you have to see where I live out here in the PA boonies. There aren't that many options. You have to drive 25-30 minutes to get to any major shopping centers.
     
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  19. OV

    OV Rapscallion

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    Was he attracted by the cleavage?
     
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  20. Donkey Patrol

    Donkey Patrol The Mouthy One Gold

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    Did you type all that while driving?

    Impressive
     
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