Toilet Instructions At The Sochi Olympics ...

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by HS Cult Leader, Feb 5, 2014.

  1. HS Cult Leader

    HS Cult Leader Elite Member Gold

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    For the stupid foreign non-Russian visitors that don't know or understand that great Russian invention known as the toilet!

    [​IMG]


    You must sit at all times like a woman.

    [​IMG]


    No standing because you can't be trusted to hit the water and not the seat.


    [​IMG]


    No drinking or bobbing for apples.


    [​IMG]


    No squatting and shitting on the back of the seat.


    [​IMG]


    No turd fishing, no matter how long, meaty, and tasty they might look.


    [​IMG]


    No taking drugs or trying to slash your wrists!

    [​IMG]


    And don't drink, brush your teeth, or wash your face with your hotel room sink water:


    [​IMG]
     
  2. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

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  3. Groucho Marx

    Groucho Marx Well-Known Member

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    wtf is this for real?

    Even Russia can't figure out how to have clean running water?
     
  4. MutteringJohn

    MutteringJohn Well-Known Member

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  5. HS Cult Leader

    HS Cult Leader Elite Member Gold

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    Absolutely!



    [h=1]Journalists at Sochi are live-tweeting their hilarious and gross hotel experiences[/h]


    [​IMG]Skiers walk by a construction site ahead of the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics. (Julian Finney/Getty Images)



    Amid continued debate over whether or not Sochi is prepared to host the 2014 Olympics (here are 15 alarming signs that Russia might not be ready) reporters from around the world are starting to check into local hotels — to their apparent grief. Some journalists arriving in Sochi are describing appalling conditions in the housing there, where only six of nine media hotels are ready for guests. Hotels are still under construction. Water, if it’s running, isn’t drinkable. One German photographer told the AP over the weekend that his hotel still had stray dogs and construction workers wandering in and out of rooms.
    This is the one hotel room @Sochi2014 have given us so far. Shambles. #cnnsochi pic.twitter.com/RTjEkmyan3
    — Harry Reekie (@HarryCNN) February 4, 2014
    CNN booked 11 rooms in one @Sochi2014 media hotel five months ago. We have been here for a day and only one room is available. #cnnsochi
    — Harry Reekie (@HarryCNN) February 4, 2014
    Still waiting for "preparations" on hotel room to finish. Hoping they're origami-folding toilet roll, rather than, say, putting the roof on.
    — Shaun Walker (@shaunwalker7) February 4, 2014
    I have a room! No heating or internet, but it has a (single) bed at least...
    — Shaun Walker (@shaunwalker7) February 4, 2014
    Got back to hotel. Lift broken after half day in use. Trekked up stairs. Door to my floor (that'd be the fire door) locked. Utter farce.
    — Shaun Walker (@shaunwalker7) February 4, 2014
    Water main break means no water at our hotel in #Sochi. Could take awhile to fix. #CTVSochi
    — Rosa Hwang (@RosaHwangCTV) February 3, 2014
    The reception of our hotel in #Sochi has no floor. But it does have this welcoming picture. pic.twitter.com/8isdoBuytl
    — Kevin Bishop (@bishopk) February 4, 2014
    @bruce_arthur Hotel issues have been happening to a lot of people. Left out on the street, you risk being poisoned or trapped like the dogs.
    — Wayne Chow (@wayne_chow) February 2, 2014
    Miss you, hot water in my hotel. You were great.
    — Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur) February 4, 2014
    People have asked me what surprised me the most here in Sochi. It's this. Without question ... it's ... THIS. pic.twitter.com/1jj05FNdCP
    — Greg Wyshynski (@wyshynski) February 4, 2014
    Ok, so my hotel doesn't have a lobby yet.
    — Mark MacKinnon (@markmackinnon) February 4, 2014
    For those of you asking, when there's no lobby in your hotel, you go to the owner's bedroom to check in. #Sochi2014
    — Mark MacKinnon (@markmackinnon) February 4, 2014
    My hotel has no water. If restored, the front desk says, "do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous." #Sochi2014
    — Stacy St. Clair (@StacyStClair) February 4, 2014
    Water restored, sorta. On the bright side, I now know what very dangerous face water looks like. #Sochi #unfiltered pic.twitter.com/sQWM0vYtyz

    — Stacy St. Clair (@StacyStClair) February 4, 2014
    Also on the bright side: I just washed my face with Evian, like I'm a Kardashian or something.
    — Stacy St. Clair (@StacyStClair) February 4, 2014
    Made new pal from La Presse as we struggled to find hotel. When we got to our (temporary) rooms his doorknob came off in hand #roadtosochi
    — katiebakes (@katiebakes) February 4, 2014
    Congrats to @Dave_Schwartz only media personality who's arrived in Sochi with a hotel room that's ready, with doorknob that doesn't fall off
    — Ryan Stanzel (@rstanzel) February 4, 2014
    Watch your step @Sochi2014 -- I've noticed on walkway and on sidewalks that not all man holes are always covered. pic.twitter.com/a5Nv4wu5iA
    — Jo-Ann Barnas (@JoAnnBarnas) February 1, 2014
    The disarray seems to contradict repeated promises from both Russian and Olympic officials that Sochi is ready for the games, despite terrorist threats, unfinished construction and concerns over human rights abuses in the country. The Sochi Olympics have also run way over budget — to a record $51 billion — which seems particularly remarkable when you consider that some of the work isn’t actually done. International Olympic Committee President Thomas Bach has of course denied that, insisting both that the “stage is ready” and that many concerns, including those over safety and construction, are overblown. Meanwhile, Dmitry Chernyshenko, president of Sochi's Olympic organizing committee, had this Twitter exchange with a CNN producer who complained that only one of the network's 11 requested rooms was ready for them:
    @DChernyshenko Our media hotel is not ready Dmitry....11 rooms booked five months ago, only one ready. Please help.
    — Harry Reekie (@HarryCNN) February 4, 2014
    In any case, the world can decide for itself soon enough. Sochi’s opening ceremony will air Feb. 7 at 11 a.m. ET; the actual events will start the day before.
     
  6. Shortwave98

    Shortwave98 A-Number 1 Banned User

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    That whole goddamn place is a fucking toilet.
     
  7. ilovebacon

    ilovebacon Well-Known Member VIP

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    In Soviet Russia, toilet shits on you!

    [​IMG]
     
  8. La Flama Blanca

    La Flama Blanca Well-Known Member VIP

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    Anyone that has ever had the luxury of being on a major building project can attest to the help pictures can provide to those living in 3rd world countries and sneak over the border. These animals stand on the seats and shit all over the toilet.

    The picture of the stick figure standing on the toilet should have a sombrero.
     
  9. Shortwave98

    Shortwave98 A-Number 1 Banned User

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    A lot of countries shit that way. Especially in the orient. It's supposed to be healthier. That's what the squatty potty is all about.
     
  10. Mlaw

    Mlaw Quite Contrarian Gold

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    My hotel has no water. If restored, the front desk says, "do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous." #Sochi2014 :rofl:
     
  11. HS Cult Leader

    HS Cult Leader Elite Member Gold

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    I stayed in a nice hotel resort on one of the Greek Islands, and they forbid the guests from flushing your toilet paper. After you wipe your ass, you had to roll it up and drop it in a can next to the toilet.

    This is common in Mexico, that's why so many Mexicans come to the U.S. and refuse to flush their shit rags. When I was working in L.A., I frequently went to various companies that employed the fresh Mexicans, and the restrooms that they used were frighting! The smell of raw shit would bite your nose the moment you walked through the door, if there was no can, they would just leave piles of shit rag behind the toilet.

    So I wasn't surprised to see this posted from Russia by one of the reporters:


    [​IMG]
     
  12. StRyDeRxX

    StRyDeRxX Bling Bling Gold

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    I bet the idiots that chose Russia for the Olympics are kicking themselves in the anus right about now!
     
  13. Darkblue

    Darkblue Active Member

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    I enjoyed all of this information in the earlier thread as well.
     
  14. HS Cult Leader

    HS Cult Leader Elite Member Gold

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    Shit! I didn't see the other thread, I would have just posted this in there. :doh:
     
  15. Joe Bauers

    Joe Bauers Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]Where have I seen that car ? Mopar Forum ? :scratch:
     
  16. LaserT

    LaserT You have to have fun. Gold

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    [​IMG]

    PAY ATTENTION TO THE SIGN, TIME SABEAN!!!!!!!!
    [​IMG]
     
  17. Beth143nacho

    Beth143nacho Well-Known Member VIP

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    I've been to Russia. Their sewer system can't handle the paper. Plus, their paper isn't soft & fluffy.... It's like a cheap paper towel, the one-ply scratchy stuff... Only cut into 4"
    squares. You put it in a regular little
    trash bin with everyone else's shitty paper. Yes, the bathrooms
    stink and you always get someone else's shit on your finger when you go to lift the lid the first time.
     
  18. Dump Button

    Dump Button Former Mall Security Guard

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    what the fuck was the IOC thinking
     
  19. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    they're lucky they aren't being berthed by the military: they just have holes in the ground and they squat over them. That's how the kettlebell exercises began: hold a weight and squat like you are taking a crap.
     
  20. SternsEgo

    SternsEgo Well-Known Member

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    waaaahhhhh