Entertainment Tracking Yoda Book Sales

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Vinegarette, Oct 4, 2015.

  1. Vinegarette

    Vinegarette Don't Believe What You Hear

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    Well, the holiday gift-giving season will be soon upon us. And with each new holiday shopping rush, we are fortuitous to be in the realms of our NYT best selling author.

    Let's track how well Yoda does this gift-giving season, so that we may heap our praise for those kittens less fortunate and admire the aspirations of our favorite New York Times bestselling author.

    First, as any slick shyster knows, we have to manipulate the system to be a true winner. Remember, even Capt Kirk cheated on his final exam.

    First we need to select a book category that has little competition in the real book world, but will allow us to lap any of the current competition.

    Ah, here's one, "Children's Adoption Books".

    This category is great!!! Not only is there very little real competition, it proves our author's heart is in the best of intentions. Helping poor misfortunate adopted children and homeless adoptable kittens at the same time!!! (Don't notice that this book has nothing to do with real adoption; don't look behind the curtains).

    Who could ask for a better category to tug at the heart strings of America? No television talk show could turn down an opportunity to talk about this !!!

    Let's see how we are doing so far:

    [​IMG]

    Hey now, she's already in 3rd place and they haven't even printed a book yet! Fantastic. The two nearest competitors have been on the market for quite some time, so it will be refreshing to have a new title atop this grand category.

    If the unwashed of America can't get this book into first place soon, our author knows a wig that will do it for her.

    Let's take a look at the current sales since the pre-publication release-date press releases were sent out to 23+ news media agencies and retail book sellers back in August.

    [​IMG]

    Wow, there was really a gigantic peak there in August with the millions of fans waiting for the release date notification -- well, at least 27 fans bought the book sight unseen. The other millions purchasing the book will be coming right along shortly.

    The current numbers are very promising. Come on, fans, she can break 200 this week, I know it. Think of all the kittens we will save at the kitty ranch, and all the new leather purses that will be bought for all of the holiday television appearances !!!

    [​IMG]

    Remember last year?

    Our best-selling author did the same thing, picked a relatively unused book category, surpassed the then competition, and became tagged as a best selling author -- so this year, all the hurdles should have been overcome now, and make this new book even a bigger seller.

    The first Yoda book sold into the milli.., err, hmmm, thousands !!! That's like a hundred hundreds, folks !!!

    [​IMG]

    We have some very impressive numbers here to defeat though. It's always a harrowing experience when a creative genius has to overcome themselves and their previous record breaking sales.

    [​IMG]

    Remember, our author has an $8 million, open room, free range, top floor, expansion of an already existing building to build, people !!! She's been working on it for 5 years, not a bit of construction has started yet.

    Let's not wait another 5 years or 5 more of these books.
     
  2. Vinegarette

    Vinegarette Don't Believe What You Hear

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    I heard Howard this morning spend a couple of minutes promoting Beth's book for the holiday season.

    I'll update the sales numbers at the end of this week. I'm sure Howard will mention it a few more times until then.
     
    SorryBoff and kingofallmessicans like this.
  3. Divorce Chicken

    Divorce Chicken white punk on dope VIP

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    How many of those book did Howie and Buchwald buy?
     
  4. Pickle Jar

    Pickle Jar Well-Known Member

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    Great for the 17 fireplaces
     
  5. x76

    x76 Well-Known Member

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    Can we start a Go Fund Me account to get Beff some talk therapy?
     
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  6. R.P. McMurphy

    R.P. McMurphy Well-Known Member

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    ...see you at costco beth! :hw:
     
    blindbella, Petal, CCMaguire and 4 others like this.
  7. Head Censor

    Head Censor Turgid Member VIP

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    169 books sold is easily enough to get you a spot on the NYT Best Seller list these days, right?















    :giggle: What a complete joke of a publication.
     
  8. MobyDick

    MobyDick Well-Known Member

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  9. Anyonenow

    Anyonenow Well-Known Member

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    Yoda Gets a Buddy (Hardcover)
    Avg Rank:134,235
    All Time Sales:173
    October Sales:14
    September Sales:121
    2015 Sales:173


    Yoda: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens (Hardcover)
    Last Sale: 9 hours
    Current Rank: 13,124
    October Sales: 20
    September Sales: 99

    Avg Rank: 221,271
    All Time Sales: 3751
    2015 Sales: 1172
     
    blindbella, codeine and Guacamole like this.
  10. Vinegarette

    Vinegarette Don't Believe What You Hear

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    End of another week, another 25 books sold.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    :mouse:
     
  11. Mr Vengeance

    Mr Vengeance Ladies love cool V. VIP

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    Here's a hard reality when it comes to children's book sales. They are mostly to libraries. And libraries order stuff for kids.

    I know. It's my profession. So 90% of Beff's sales are to libraries who don't give a shit about Beth. They just see a picture book to use for Storytime programs..
     
  12. SorryBoff

    SorryBoff Well-Known Member

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    Best Sellers in Children's Adoption books :jj:

    The book by that Tranny kid Jazz is ranked higher in sales, time for a new hobby Beef, nobody wants to read a book to their 3 yo written by someone dumber than said 3 yo.
     
  13. joeybo

    joeybo Well-Known Member

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    I love any Beth mockery, but especially true, well-thought-out Beth mockery like this. Well done.
     
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  14. SternsEgo

    SternsEgo Well-Known Member

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    Its like off the movie lord of war. Yuri Orlov's wife is a painter, and the only person who buys her painting is Yuri. I just imagine howie has a storage pod with beffs books.
     
    x76 and Bye You! like this.
  15. Vinegarette

    Vinegarette Don't Believe What You Hear

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    Another week, another 30 books sold.

    224 copies since pre-release announcement.


    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    :mouse:
     
  16. MrWarmth

    MrWarmth ADORABLE DEPLORABLE Gold

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    Meanwhile the cost of the foster kitten building is now up to 9 million dollars.
     
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  17. Pickle Jar

    Pickle Jar Well-Known Member

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    She is a regular Dr. Seuss now. Calm down
     
  18. Snotty

    Snotty My Snothand be strong!!! VIP Gold

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    Good to know.....Thank you!!!!
     
  19. Snotty

    Snotty My Snothand be strong!!! VIP Gold

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    [​IMG]
     
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  20. RonHeinzkaboot

    RonHeinzkaboot Adultophile VIP

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    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    Amanda Peet beats the Yoda Book to press and it looks like her book has a little more work put into it.