Twitter Jokes from Howard's new Assitant Writer / Producer

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by SillyOldMan, Dec 30, 2014.

  1. SillyOldMan

    SillyOldMan Well-Known Member

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    I DARE YOU NOT TO LAUGH HYSTERICALLY AT THESE JOKES!!!! :cwl: :lol1: :backlol: :hilarious: :backlol2: :haha:

    If you are drinking anything, make sure to swallow and put down your drink. Otherwise, this might happen! You have been warned. :spit:

    kyle simon
    https://twitter.com/kylesimonlol
    Assistant Writer / Producer at The Howard Stern Show

    Oct 4
    Keep waiting for the Mets playoff game to come on, but I guess it's blacked out.

    Oct 9
    Went to the post office to get a tramp stamp. Couldn't believe something that big and obnoxious only costs $.35 cents.

    Oct 19
    Great special last night @artiequitter! I happen to know your drug addict trainer. Could you tell him to stop asking me for money?

    Oct 31
    Some teenage girls rang my doorbell and asked for candy. I opened the door and told them I wasn't home. #Halloween

    Nov 24
    In order to get justice, we need @BillCosby to sexually assault #Ferguson police officer #DarrenWilson. #FergusonDecision

    Dec 1
    It's interesting how many believe Siri is a genius, when in reality she acts like she's deaf, dumb, and has Alzheimer's.

    Dec 9
    It's crazy to think the creator of #VictoriaSecret killed himself by jumping off a bridge. Does he know what he's missing? #VSFashionShow

    Dec 13
    Asked a girl taking a selfie if she wanted me to take the photo.

    Dec 13
    Thank you so much for inviting me to your birthday party @taylorswift13! Sorry I couldn't come. I chose to stay home and do nothing instead.

    Dec 13
    James Gandolfini would have been a great stand up comedian, even if he didn't tell jokes and only told stories about him grocery shopping.

    Dec 13
    I'm not all that religious but id say a majority of the people who do #Santacon are Jewish. Your grandparents would all be ashamed of you.

    Dec 14
    Today's purchases: iPhone 6 and Drano. I'd say Drano is more valuable. The next iPhone should have an unclogging feature.

    Dec 20
    Ordering anything in a deli gives me anxiety, but watching somebody with Tourettes order something in a deli causes me even more anxiety.

    Dec 22
    The only difference between Michelle Branch, Sara Barrielas, Vanessa Carlton, and Natasha Bedingfield is their period cycles.

    Dec 25
    The Sony Pictures hackers promised to do something bad if #TheInterview came out on #Christmas. Guess they sent a nasty email or something.
     
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  2. Blur

    Blur Alumnus

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  3. Hugh Blowmont

    Hugh Blowmont Just be funny

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    Five star jokes...
     
  4. AllAboutHim Ed

    AllAboutHim Ed #mypurpose VIP

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    Huge comedy. Huge.
     
  5. crazypreacher

    crazypreacher Hey yo

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    Wow. That's some unfunny shit right there.
     
  6. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    :nojj: I lost the dare.
     
  7. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    Fuck me running. :facepalm:
     
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  8. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    I've laughed harder during Holocaust documentaries. :nocheer:
     
  9. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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  10. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    Too edgy. Let's keep it clean with Drano jokes.
     
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  11. RonHeinzkaboot

    RonHeinzkaboot Adultophile VIP

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    Wow, they hired a "assistant writer"
    So Fred's the "head writer/castmember/founder" and Benjy is "writer/castmember"
    That's a big step for it to be out that Howard has writers. He likes the illusion that he is the funny one off the cuff, but I guess Kimmel has convinced him that all shows have writing teams, too bad he didn't hire any real comedians like Jackie, Artie, Gilbert or Billy West

    I wonder if this is good with Benjy
     
  12. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

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    Wow, not as funny as having glass shoved up my pee hole
     
  13. John Coktoaston

    John Coktoaston Well-Known Member

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    I'll bet that Howard is eating up all of that observational humor "we're paying this guy how much? hahaha!"
     
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  14. SillyOldMan

    SillyOldMan Well-Known Member

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    Hack jokes...... I wonder how he got the job? Probably by agreeing to work for free...... I'm sending bababooey my resume immediately, here are my (hack) jokes.....

    * Woke up from an afternoon nap feeling so groggy..... was Bill Cosby here?

    * Look on the bright side Jets fans, at least you can spend New Years without stressing about the playoffs

    * Rob Ryan just signed a new contract with the Bears...... as a foot massage specialist

    Can somebody out-hack me and Kyle? :D
     
  15. R.P. McMurphy

    R.P. McMurphy Well-Known Member

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    ...i thought it would be something nice for the fans robin.
     
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  16. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    How can you look back at those tweets and not hang yourself?

    Just for a minute, imagine the shit he wrote and decided NOT to post. Those are the GEMS.
     
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  17. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    What would have been funnier us if she said something like

    "My widened vag is so hairy I have to pour Drano down the shower drain before I get deep dicked by a non white unclipped cock."
     
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  18. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    "Robin, I was on the twitter the other day. That new guy is one witty bastard. Let me see if I have an example here...

    Oh yes. Here's one... "January 1st. It's New Year's Day today. All day." Get it Robin? It's all day. I laughed so hard."
     
  19. SillyOldMan

    SillyOldMan Well-Known Member

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    Twitter pics can't embed on this site I don't think...... here he is........

    Aug 30
    Halloween came early
     
  20. Weed

    Weed Well-Known Member

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