WTF Virginia attorney awards thoughts

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Pelicanman, Apr 2, 2016.

  1. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    So I am at a convention honoing lawyers. The following are some of my thoughts I textd my best friend (non-lawye) while listening: enjoy.
     
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  2. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    Holy shit this dinner has awards and is so fucking ponderous.
     
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  3. zhukov

    zhukov Time traveler Gold

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    Great
     
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  4. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    Speeches from people no one knows.
     
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  5. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    Cha--rist
     
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  6. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    I would fuck this chick, mouthy though she is
     
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  7. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    Blah, blah, law, job, blah, duty, my wife/husband, kids, blah, something greater, Richmond, blah, civil, blah
     
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  8. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    I Wish Jim Crow was still in effect so this black dude would be in the other room
     
  9. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    These people are deluded to think we care. Grab your fucking shine box and get off the stage, Matllock!
     
  10. Donkeyboy2190

    Donkeyboy2190 Never earned a dimes

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    Pics or GTFO
     
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  11. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    Lawyers have their heads further up their asses than actors. Oscars x10 on asshole scale.
     
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  12. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    Why did I pesoanlly become a lawyer? 'Cause I like money and hate science.
     
  13. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    These fucks won't stop talking! I think this asshole on the stage knew Abe Lincoln
     
  14. Wigzilla

    Wigzilla Well-Known Member

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    How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, who will be henceforth be addressed as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, henceforth addressed as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (light bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

    The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

    1) The party of the first part (lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (light bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (light bulb) in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (light bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (lawyer) throughout.

    2) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (light bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ('receptacle'), the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (light bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

    3) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (lawyer) shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part ('new light bulb'). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part (new light bulb) becomes snug in the party of the third part (receptacle) and in fact actually becomes the party of the second part (light bulb).

    NB: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (lawyer), by said party of the first part (lawyer), or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do so with the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'The Firm'.
     
  15. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    I can't get drunk enough to listen to this asshole. I dont care about your wife yo were married to for fifty years! Wise up and get young trim
     
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  16. AllAboutHim Ed

    AllAboutHim Ed #mypurpose VIP

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  17. freds

    freds you broke it VIP

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    Virginia lawyers would be janitors in other states.

    unless you practice within 20 miles of DC.
     
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  18. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    The diversity horseshit has begun: Soon the black lesbian he/she will be talking. In Va for Gods sake! Imagine the lunacy in Cali!
     
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  19. Pelicanman

    Pelicanman Engorged Member VIP Gold

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    Third hardest bar in the country, fool. What do you do, shit pile?
     
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  20. Daveindiego

    Daveindiego Confirmed Internet Legend Gold

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    I would prefer to have my fingernails pulled out with pliers than spend 10 minutes in a Virginia Attorneys awards ceremony.

    Death would be so sweet.
     
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