What am I doing wrong with my wipe?

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Angry Arab, Jan 28, 2015.

  1. Angry Arab

    Angry Arab Well-Known Member VIP

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    I just listened to a youtube of today's show. I fold my t.p. and never even considered bunching up a ball like pluggy. I fold a square and a half over twice(3 layers) and can even fold that whole thing after a wipe if its light on 'color'. I use the extra strength Charmin. After a few wipes with paper, I go to the moist wipes. Is the vast majority 'ballers' or 'folders'?
    [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
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  2. Kanger

    Kanger Well-Known Member

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    Steven Gerrard...sorry. Not contributing to your post. Saw your avatar and am stoked about his signing...first to five!!!
     
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  3. Angry Arab

    Angry Arab Well-Known Member VIP

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    "Stoked"? OK. Me too...at least when he finally does get here in 6 months...

    ...or are you a Brit and stoked means something else there???:scratch:
     
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  4. Kanger

    Kanger Well-Known Member

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    Stoked as in stoked in the american sense. I'm drunk...and yes it'll be six months but I can't wait for him and Robbie to run a muck next season when he gets here
     
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  5. Angry Arab

    Angry Arab Well-Known Member VIP

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    But we still need midfield help...can't believe we traded Sarvas and now aren't getting Klejstan...after getting nothing for Opare last year.

    What a shitty deal. Speaking of shit!...how do you wipe, bro?:coffee:
    :D
     
  6. Kanger

    Kanger Well-Known Member

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    I have two wipe systems...When I'm at home, back to front not giving a shit because I can jump in the shower to wash my asshole off. At work I wipe front to back, prep a damp paper towel with water and soap to clean my shithole with, especially if I take a shit early into my shift. Don't need to run the risk of a lingering stink.
     
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  7. The Bloody Nine

    The Bloody Nine VIP Extreme Gold

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    Ha ha you guys like soccer. Gays!

    The correct answer is folding, my toddlers ball TP up. Wig's prolapsed Ralph-dick-shaped sausage-casing butt-water balloon requires that wiping. To think he was able to sell his looseness to Allison for years as 'fissures.'

    Cirella dong makes every Howie evacuation of a portion of almonds a melted-nestle-crunch style affair. Fuck you gay Howard!
     
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  8. Angry Arab

    Angry Arab Well-Known Member VIP

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    Yeah, I'm always front to back but, do you fold the paper or ball it up like Pluggy?
     
  9. Goods

    Goods Well-Known Member

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    I was kind of horrified when I heard people just wad up the paper. I fold. 6 sheets ultra strong Charmin folded into 4 layers. 3-4 wipes.
     
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  10. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    As my cheap ass uncle would put it. One sheet for up. One sheet for down. One to polish after. :grad:
     
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  11. SlinkyNeckStern

    SlinkyNeckStern High Pitch Mike Lookalike

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    Howard is a fucking liar. He doesn't ball up his paper. He wraps the paper around his finger like a toilet paper poncho. Then he goes right up his asshole searching for "remnants" and "brown."
     
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  12. artful dodger

    artful dodger Well-Known Member

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    who the fuck mashes it into a ball like an ape
     
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  13. Goods

    Goods Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  14. Angry Arab

    Angry Arab Well-Known Member VIP

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    Robin then agreed with Pluggy of course and said she does it too:rolleyes:
     
  15. Goods

    Goods Well-Known Member

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    And Gary on THSWUS.
     
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  16. killallposers

    killallposers VIP Extreme Gold

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    I guess I'm a baller (more of a crumbler) for the first pass to scoop off the major stuff. Folding at this point seems to cause smearing if there's some icing on the surface. I'm also going back to front at this point, but using a delicate scoop and tuck motion that lifts up before reaching the taint. I just can't get the leverage I need going front to back for the heavy stuff and it pushes it in unpredictable ways. I don't want it going up my crack anymore than I want it on my balls. Well, probably a little more, but I want to avoid both. Once I've scooped off any outside evidence, I switch to folding and a combo of back to front / front to back until I'm sure it's all clear. Then one last front to back just to push anything that may still be left, away from the area I most don't want it. To finish up, one last credit swipe down the crack, going in a straight down motion right off the ass rather than wrapping up under and risking pushing anything into taint territory.

    Ask a serious question, you get a serious answer.
     
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  17. SchwoogieBuzzer

    SchwoogieBuzzer Well-Known Member

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    What are you doing wrong with your wipe? You're not using Comfort Wipe.
     
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  18. Calloused Shins

    Calloused Shins Well-Known Member

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    I just grab my roommates cat...
     
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  19. Weed

    Weed Well-Known Member

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    Without any creative talent on the staff, there hasn't been an original comedy idea in years. EVERYTHING is continually recycled, including the wiping bit. For all anyone knows, Stern could have been taking a nap while they replayed the segment from one of the previous 837 times he has had this same 'discussion.'
     
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  20. markluke

    markluke Well-Known Member

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    You know with all that hair there has to be a ton of "remnants"
     
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