Why You, Yes You, MUST Hate Mike Bocchetti

Discussion in 'The Artie Lange Show' started by Peau de Soie, Mar 20, 2014.

  1. Peau de Soie

    Peau de Soie Edit Button? Thanks LaserTilt!

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    Yes, I know some of you newer or slower listeners might conceivably still think old Mike is just a big old loveable dimwitted teddy bear.

    But he's not. He's a scumbag, as all of us regular listeners have learned.

    Let us examine what is only the most recent evidence. This will be a verbatim transcript.

    Background:
    The adorable Mike still lives with his mom. She is in her mid-70s, has terminal cancer, and has debilitating heart disease. In addition to taking care of his every need -- cooking, cleaning, household repairs, laundry, shopping, cutting his hair, dyeing his hair, otherwise grooming him, dressing him, transportation, finances, etc. -- Mrs. Bocchetti spends several days a week going to church. She also does chores for the rest of the 8 people in the house. Mike, meanwhile, has a 3 hour/night job that begins at 10 PM and ends at 1 PM. He lives 30 minutes from the studio (up to 1 hour by express bus). He has no other responsibilities and doesn't so much as take out the garbage or shovel snow in winter. After commuting and "work", he has 19 hours per day of completely free time available to him M-F, and weekends are free.

    Mike has taken over his sick mom's pink cell phone for approximately 2 weeks, because his own phone failed.

    The Scene:
    Artie Lange Show, March 19, 2014, Hour 1, Minute 13. http://www.artielangeshow.com/show-hour/wednesday-march-19-2014-hour-1/

    [We pick up mid-conversation.]

    Artie: Mike was a marine for TWO DAYS. The marines came to Mike, the government came to Mike after two days and said listen, we've come to a decision, it's mutual, I believe.

    Bocchetti: Artie you know what, you know what my drill instructor said to me before he discharged me, he goes, "Who on God's earth created you, Space Cookie". Then he said, becuz, "He can be the first recruit who was shot since the Civil War for crimes against the United States government, for recruiting you, Cookie."

    Artie: You should have taken that cell phone, because you could have gotten kicked out because you're gay back then.

    Bocchetti: Oh, no. They, they made fun of my tattoos and everything.

    Ritchie: Mike, why don't you take the cell phone that they gave you that doesn't work, back?

    Bocchetti: My Mom's taking it back in the morning, Jon.

    Artie: Why's your Mom taking it back?

    Bocchetti: My phone hasn't come yet.

    Ritchie: But it's been several days.

    Artie: Why's your Mom doing that? You're 52!

    Bocchetti: She has more time than I do, tomorrow. I've got stuff to do tomorrow.

    Artie: What do you have to do tomorrow?

    Bocchetti: I've got some, some stuff.

    Artie: Why does your Mom have to go?

    Ritchie: Do you have Opie & Anthony tomorrow?

    Bocchetti: No! Not at all. I haven't been on...

    Artie: What does your Mom have to, what does your Mom have to do tomorrow?

    Bocchetti: Well she goes to church in the morning. She goes to... She was nice! She said, "I'll take the phone back. And, you know, we'll have it ready for you."

    Artie: What do you have to do tomorrow, that your poor mother has to do that?

    Bocchetti: I, I'll tell you in a bit.

    Falato: There's not a lot of time when you get up at 6 PM.

    Artie: Yeah, tell me, Mike, what, what

    Ritchie: His days are short.

    Artie: What do you have to do?

    Bocchetti: I have a meeting tomorrow, actually.

    Ritchie: A meeting?

    Artie:
    What time?

    Bocchetti: Uh, in the afternoon, early afternoon, at 3.

    Artie: So you can't... 3 o'clock? You can't go at 9 AM, to take the phone?

    Bocchetti: Oh, my Mom said "I'm going to church, I'll do it for you on the way home." It's nice!

    Artie: You are SO lazy.

    Bocchetti: Yeah, but, if the offer's there, why not take it? [one can feel his grin through the airwaves]

    Artie: Because she's your MOTHER. You say, "no, Mom, you go to church. You're 74 years old. I'm, I'm your son! I'll get up, and take care of my own phone!"

    Ritchie: Instead of getting up at 2:30 PM.

    Bocchetti: No! I been, I get up. I get up and I did my

    Falato (drop?): I don't want that burden.

    Artie: Oh, man. That is, you're disgusting the way you treat her!

    Bocchetti: I, uh, no. She's... the greatest person in my life. For sure.

    Artie: Yeah, well, uh listen. You have to, I want you take your own phone tomorrow.

    [long pause]

    Bocchetti: Yeah, I'll get up.

    [Extended laughter and buzzer]

    Ritchie: That was convincing.
     
  2. octex

    octex Well-Known Member

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    I was screaming at the TV when that was going on. How anyone can support this slug is beyond me.

    Well done PDS.
     
  3. Peau de Soie

    Peau de Soie Edit Button? Thanks LaserTilt!

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    Thank you; transcriptions take a while to do, even though that was only about a minute of real time. This was the first time I had to switch the show off to calm down; I was driving when I heard it and felt like my head was going to crack open from steam.

    I truly intended this as a community service and hope that some new listeners read it.
     
  4. release

    release New Member

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    I'm not one for corporal punishment, but if Mike was my kid, I would repeatedly beat the shit out of him. Not just when he was a kid but as an adult.
     
  5. ltd86

    ltd86 Racist Banned User

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    lol
    i don't even hate mike for that. he's obviously a hippo-sized 9 year old kid.

    i hate him for how disgusting he looks and sounds and how much of the show he eats up

    the whole bocchetti clan still lives at home so it's obviously more to do with the mother than the kids (obviously any normal adult would have broken out of the cycle, but i hold mike to no such standards because i don't view him as a real person)
     
  6. Peau de Soie

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    Et tu, ltd86?

    Surely you see that your statement ("he's obviously a hippo-sized 9 year old kid") makes the same excuse as the newbies who think he's just a jolly innocent naive teddy bear on the ASD spectrum.

    The point is that HE IS NOT. He knows when he's lying, he knows when he's scheming, he knows when he's coming on to girls old enough to be his grandchildren, and HE KNOWS WHEN HE'S TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIS MOTHER. Sorry for shouting. The giant bolded excerpt above is proof of that - his sickly mother doing yet another chore for him is treated with the casual disdain and near-contempt he might show if a giant corporation accidentally mailed him a big check, or a checkout clerk gave him back too much change that he's more than willing to keep.

    He's not doing it only because she encourages it or because he's too much of a big baby to know better. He DOES know better. He knows he can CHOOSE to do the right thing, as Artie incessantly nags him, and he chooses to do the wrong thing, every time. Because he is a scumbag. Please don't let him off the hook.
     
  7. octex

    octex Well-Known Member

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    I think the only person in "show biz" who is more pathetic than Bocchetti is the guy who is working with him.
     
  8. ronaldjacobs123

    ronaldjacobs123 Member

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    lmao. nice post. mike bocchetti NOT on the job art.
     
  9. ilovebacon

    ilovebacon Well-Known Member VIP

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    I don't know how anyone can call him a nice guy. According to him, everyone he comes in contact with is an ' idiot.' His doctor's an idiot, callers trying to talk him are idiots, his teachers were all idiots. When you have problems with everybody, you can pretty much bet that *you* are the problem. He is a true scumbag, playing up being dumber than he is, just like High Pitch Eric does. Don't get me wrong, he really is dumb, but I think he exaggerates it in order to get others to do things for him. His mom, Artie, the kid doing his podcast for him, etc....


    And a 52 yr old man crying about bullying is not a man at all. He should be ashamed of himself, but clearly, he's not that self-aware. He's a pathetic loser and will remain so until his last sleep apnea'd breath.
     
  10. blckknight60

    blckknight60 Well-Known Member

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    i still kinda feel sorry for him, he has mental issues
     
  11. Death Smack

    Death Smack Active Member

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    I think most of Bocchetti's problems come from everyone has always coddled Mike and he has never had to do anything on his own, if Mike did have to do something he failed so miserably that someone stepped in to help Mike
    Fuck, I don't know anymore but the sad part is when Mike's mom dies old Mikey is going to be fucked, that Bocchetti clan will be at each other's throats to claim whatever the mom had
     
  12. Peau de Soie

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    That's fine. Pity and hate are not mutually exclusive. ;)
     
  13. jaceson

    jaceson Member

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    Ritchies poo is going to bully Botchetti's poo.. Ritchie isn't the best for sure but He is way more genuine then that slug Botchetti.. He is a liar and a fake..
     
  14. Death Smack

    Death Smack Active Member

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    Big liar, as soon as he went into SEAL story I was hoping that both twins started beating the shit out of Mike
     
  15. Peau de Soie

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    For the record, to ltd and any other disbelievers, on the Thursday show (3/20/14, the day after the exchange cited above) the blob makes eminently clear he knows EXACTLY when he's taking advantage of someone's kindness or pity or gullibility. He calls himself a "shrewdie" about it and describes getting his brothers and grandmother to do things for him by feigning incompetence. This is what he admits to and brags about!!

    He's no innocent 9 year old trapped in an old fat body. He's an evil conniving selfish abuser of everyone he knows, most especially his poor sick mother. It goes on way too long on the Thurs. show to transcribe. Listen to hour 1. Mike is a scumbag, and he revels in it.
     
  16. ltd86

    ltd86 Racist Banned User

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    But that is exactly how 9 year olds act

    Don't get me wrong: my blood boils and my stomach churns whenever i hear him speak or i have to look at him. I just know that he is obviously fucked up; no 52 year old should be living in their mudda's house. Then you sprinkle on top that all the siblings still live there...it's a highly depressing situation.

    he's not full retard or anything, but he's obviously got the emotional maturity of a kid.

    that's not an excuse though. he's smart enough to know right from wrong. i just hate that I ever had to be exposed to that depressing, disgusting sea cow
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2014
  17. jaceson

    jaceson Member

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    Why does Artie take it so easy on him? When they got into the convo about him firing his agent all he did was sidestep and bring up how the guy didn't do anything for him..Typical Mikey..
     
  18. Death Smack

    Death Smack Active Member

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    Hell if Artie doesn't want to slap Mike around then Artie should have Steve call in and stay on the line for about 30 minutes, with all of the shitty guests that the show books listening to Mike and Steve go at it for 30 minutes would be a blessing
     
  19. release

    release New Member

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    Jesus Christ, he made his grandmother do shit for him too? He probably worked her to death.
     
  20. Peau de Soie

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