News Would you hit this "hitwoman?"

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Shithead, Jul 13, 2016.

  1. Shithead

    Shithead Well-Known Member

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    :chair:


    Mexican hitwoman claims she has sex with corpses after beheading them and drinks the blood of the dead

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    The diminutive hitwoman for the feared Zetas cartel felt compelled to share her affinity for intercourse with headless bodies from her California jail cell
    A hitwoman for one of Mexico’s most notorious cartels has made a stunning confession from her California jail cell: she claims to have had intercourse with beheaded corpses and drank their blood.
    Mexican media reports that 28-year-old Juana – also known as ‘La Peque’ (the little one) – of the ruthless Zetas cartel made the admission from a Baja, California prison.
    Juana said: ‘Ever since I was a little girl I was a rebel, and then became a drug addict and an alcoholic.’
    Juana was born in Hidalgo, near Mexico City. She became pregnant at 15 by a man 20 years her senior.
    To support herself and her child, she worked as a prostitute – until delving into the dangerous cartel world.
    Juana said she got her start as a ‘halconeo’ – a lookout for police and army patrols, according to Central European news.
    Her job entailed standing at a lookout point for eight hours at a time. If she failed, Juana said she was tied up and fed a single taco per day.
    During her time working for the cartel she bore witness to a host of gruesome moments, including a man’s head being smashed open with a mace.
    ‘I remember feeling sad and thinking I did not want to end up like that,’ said Juana.
    Her aversion to blood did not last long, however.
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    28-year-old Jauna worked as a prostitute until beginning her cartel career as a lookout for police and army
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    At first, Juana was put off by the blood and gore involved in Mexico's perilous cartel world – then she claims she became excited by violent scenes
    Local news site Denuncias claims Juana began to ‘feel excited by it, rubbing myself in it and bathing in it after killing a victim.’
    ‘I even drank it when it was still warm,’ she alleged.

    Denuncias said Juana ‘insinuated’ at having ‘had sex with the cadavers of those decapitated, using the severed heads as well as the rest of their bodies to pleasure herself'.
    ‘La Peque’ is still awaiting sentencing in California.
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    The beautiful hitwoman claims she would drink, bathe in, and use her victims' warm blood to pleasure herself after murdering them
     
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  2. Lemmy

    Lemmy Douchebag Extraordinaire Gold

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    She seems fun!
     
  3. Tickle Shits

    Tickle Shits very angry indeed Gold

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    Last edited: Jul 13, 2016
  4. Beer Can

    Beer Can Well-Known Member

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    If I was dead I would not object.
     
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  5. joemama

    joemama Well-Known Member

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  6. Sea Slob

    Sea Slob Well-Known Member

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    No but I bet the prison guards have passed her around like a bad joint
     
  7. MorningSong13

    MorningSong13 Well-Known Member VIP

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    Wait - so she beheaded a guy who had a boner?

    This is a serious question. Please don't make a mockery of this.
     
  8. Shivvy

    Shivvy Well-Known Member Banned User

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    Yes
     
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  9. BrulesRules

    BrulesRules Just grab 'em in the biscuits VIP

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  10. ApeFace

    ApeFace Well-Known Member

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    Don't you need blood to go to your dick for a boner. Gushing blood out of a huge hole where your head used to sit seems like it would make that difficult.
     
  11. MorningSong13

    MorningSong13 Well-Known Member VIP

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    Who the hell get's a stiffy right before getting his head chopped off? Or does she behead them stealthily?

    In which case, what was he doing that was distracting enough to allow beheading and causing a boner at the same time?

    The answer is clearly beating off with head phones.

    Thanks for helping me think this one through out loud, gang.
     
  12. Shithead

    Shithead Well-Known Member

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    I think the severed head is giving her just that, head:jj:
     
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  13. The Snork

    The Snork Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    The "Dead Mexican Feel-Good Story" of the summer!
     
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  14. wife is a whore

    wife is a whore Stripped of POTY for butthurting staff VIP

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    I knew @hidden dragon was sadistic, but I never expected this from her.
     
  15. Tipsey Russell

    Tipsey Russell VIP Extreme Gold

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    so now dead people are getting better pussy than me

    I give up
     
  16. Beths Arab

    Beths Arab Well-Known Member VIP

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    I'm calling bullshit on the entire story .
     
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  17. Time Bandit

    Time Bandit Well-Known Member

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    fresh fish always try to up their rep
     
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  18. austin54

    austin54 Well-Known Member

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    Even if it's all true, she's no where near as creepy as Yaqi.
     
  19. hidden dragon

    hidden dragon the princess of darkness Staff Member

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    Blood can be tasty. Yum yum lick it up.
     
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  20. wife is a whore

    wife is a whore Stripped of POTY for butthurting staff VIP

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    If yer riding the cotton pony, my tongue aint gettig any lower than the clit.