Stern Show Yoda Gets a Buddy: An Exclusive Review for the Shed

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Benjamen, Dec 1, 2015.

  1. Benjamen

    Benjamen Well-Known Member

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    I just purchased the audio version, which features narration by an embarrassed David Spade. David seems to be reading the book for his very first time as he narrates, and appears to lose confidence in the material just pages into it.

    The story opens with an imposing, bossy Yoda yelling at everyone for having fun. Children everywhere will wonder to themselves if Yoda's sad heart was worth saving in the first place, as he has taken on the demeanor of a drill sergeant in the year since the miracle:

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    Boy readers will find themselves uncontrollably beating off to Yoda's MILF, introduced from behind in a dress with piping that traces her panty line:

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    Buddy is drawn without eyes, but nobody seems to notice. Given Buddy's eagerness to follow Yoda's many house rules, and his popularity among the kittens -- who are relieved to meet an older cat who doesn't constantly shout at them -- Yoda sees in Buddy a potential good cop to his bad cop, and deputizes him as a fellow rule enforcer. The two cats soon develop a morning routine of napping together -- a tasteful way of saying the two are homosexual lovers, which even the slowest 5-year-old will appreciate.

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    Beth brings in a new kitten who isn't as attractive as the others, so Yoda's cruel fosters -- led by the cunty Molly, named after Jimmy Kimmel's wife -- torture him like he was a gunky Jewish kid in an all-black Long Island neighborhood. Yoda and Buddy don't seem to care about all this bullying until Buddy gets splashed by water during an especially intense hazing. Kids will be on the edge of their seat as the kind-hearted Buddy joins Yoda on the Dark Side:

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    But guess what? Buddy doesn't murder everyone in the room after the splash incident. Instead, he reveals to them that the reason he has no eyes is because he's blind! He shames the cute kittens for treating the ugly (itself a disability) one differently, and from then on they all act as though they've learned an important lesson about love. They even pretend to like the ugly one by celebrating "Frankie Fridays."

    Beth's voice appears at the end, when she reads her dedication:



    I was hoping she would read her "story behind the story" claims as well, but that's just way too many words for her:

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    My favorite line: "While our rescue cat, Yoda, was still holding down the fort in the foster room, it was the new foster, Buddy, who was the fun one, teaching the others about unconditional love." Expect her to use this key phrase in promotional appearances where talk show hosts will pretend it's believable.

    Beth acknowledges in this smaller print that kids and parents alike will ignore that Buddy no longer lives with her -- he lives with his vet now. And it's a good thing she didn't include that in the story, because children need to believe that those kittens still have a kind-hearted blind cat protecting them from the mean-hearted Yoda.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2015
  2. TheMercenary

    TheMercenary Collecting Light Gold

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    Bookmarked :yay:
     
  3. slab0meat

    slab0meat negative creep

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    "Dedicated to everyone who comes upon an injured animal and stops to help" -- B.S. Appropriate initials.


    Thanks as always, Benjamen. Good work!
     
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  4. ApeFace

    ApeFace Well-Known Member

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    Pure excrement
     
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  5. Javaforgotme

    Javaforgotme Well-Known Member Banned User

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    I'd like some English professor - or editor of Children's books to review this thing. Just from reading the stuff you've posted - this appears to be horribly written - impossible for a child to read.

    It's the kind of thing someone writes after drinking a bottle or two of wine, and is more interested talking about their cats than considering the reader.

    If any newbees wonder why Shedders hate Beth - this is why.

    What rambling, convoluted crap.
     
  6. Gigashadow

    Gigashadow Well-Known Member Banned User

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    Animal rescue folks are bat shit crazy.
     
  7. SillyOldMan

    SillyOldMan Well-Known Member

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    LOL! How is it possible that the second book is even worse than the first one? The entire premise of the kittens being cunty troublemakers is just dumb. Completely unimaginative story. Benjamen did the lord's work and actually made the story funny with his additional comments! :D brilliant work yet again!
     
  8. x76

    x76 Well-Known Member

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    What Beff needs is a job in an office somewhere doing simple clerical tasks and having a group of other office-worker females to go to lunch with, you know, some kind of routine with simple responsibilities. She needs airhead trophy bride rehab.
     
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  9. Tim

    Tim ty dawg for gold! Gold

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    This seems like it was written by a retard.
     
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  10. Rob0729

    Rob0729 Well-Known Member

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    Here is my detailed review of the book:

    IT SUCKED!

    That is all.
     
  11. Gigashadow

    Gigashadow Well-Known Member Banned User

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    I know it is supposed to be a kids book, but 13 paragraphs and change? We have a Pulitzer Prize winning author here.
     
  12. Honkey Donkey

    Honkey Donkey Well-Known Member

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    So to me this is a book about Yoda making poor blind Buddy do gay shit to him as part of a weird homo jailhouse protection racket . Yoda gets a Buddy . Now it all makes sense . I hate Yoda even more now. I hope in book three the new black cat Reggie gives Yoda the shiv and takes over the cat room.

    If Beef reads this she can name a Black cat Reggie in honor of the shed . Maybe then we will cut her some slack .

    Na , it's too much fun goofing on her .
     
  13. Rhinosaucerous

    Rhinosaucerous Self-hating Millennial

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    "By the end of the book, you'll be feeling like a vapid cunt stuck in your own convoluted world!" -F.M.L.
     
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  14. Honkey Donkey

    Honkey Donkey Well-Known Member

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    it made me feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I'm going to yak up my breakfast.
    Damn her ! Damn Yoda !
     
  15. Ctanner

    Ctanner Well-Known Member

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    MILF? I can find a few errors in that acronym.
     
  16. FSFN

    FSFN Well-Known Member

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    Can we review it on amazon yet?
     
  17. Honkey Donkey

    Honkey Donkey Well-Known Member

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    Can someone make a book cover for book 3 .

    Reggie the Black cat Shows Yoda who's boss .

    [​IMG]

    Reggie was a bad ass death row shelter cat who once snuck home in the limo of a horse faced woman .
    Reggie had been picked up a few weeks before selling cat nip on the streets .
    Reggie never took shit from any human or cat .
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2015
  18. thegroovologist

    thegroovologist Well-Known Member

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    Great thread, Benjamen!


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  19. Rhinosaucerous

    Rhinosaucerous Self-hating Millennial

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    Last edited: Dec 1, 2015
  20. Richards Dad

    Richards Dad Well-Known Member

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    HOLY SHIT!!! This cunt actually has her caricature in this book! I know I shouldn't give a damn but for some reason this shit drives me crazy. Why do these ignorant housewives drool over every action this cunt has?
     
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