Yoda: The Unbelievable True Story (That Robin Herself Doesn't Believe)

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Benjamen, Oct 29, 2015.

  1. Benjamen

    Benjamen Well-Known Member

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    Gearing up for the holiday release of Beth's hotly anticipated sequel book, whose narration was just recorded three days ago, I thought I'd revisit the timeline of the miracle cat who has touched us all:

    April 5, 2014

    Beth introduces the world to her new, unnamed foster:



    Many of Beth's followers say the cat looks like Ronnie Mund. But less than two hours later, a follower tweets to Beth: "Looks like Yoda cat"




    April 6, 2014

    The next morning, the cat is now named Yoda:



    (Beth later claims that Howard named the cat Yoda upon meeting him.)


    April 7, 2014


    Beth tweets that their "little alien" will be fostered for a few weeks and then ready for adoption.



    April 11, 2014

    Beth happily tweets that she keeps getting requests for more Yoda pics. A follower asks when he'll be up for adoption, but Beth ignores her.



    April 14, 2014

    At 9:08 AM, Beth tweets with love that Yoda's on the way to the vet.




    Three hours later, Beth cheerfully tweets that "even Yoda can't believe how cute he is!"




    April 15, 2014

    The very next day, Howard announces on his show that vets have told them Yoda won't live more than a year, that "he could pass away at any time", and that he is now their cat.

    ---

    Howard's New Cat, Yoda, Has Less Than A Year To Live. 04/15/14. 6:20am
    Howard said they're doing a lot of animal rescue and there are so many stories. Howard said Beth went over to North Shore and sees a cat in a cage. The cat is kind of matted and they had to cut off his fur. Howard said Beth has been posting pictures of the cat. He said he named it Yoda because he looks like Yoda. Howard said they were going to get him back into shape and get him adopted. Howard said the cat comes into the house and he sits on people's laps and purrs. He said that they say that he has a heart condition. Howard said he loves the cat already. He said it gets depressing to give them away. Howard said they told Beth that the cat won't live more than a year. Howard said he has a heart condition and it's not going to last. Howard said he's going to die and they said less stress is better.

    Howard said now the cat is their cat. He said they can't give him to anyone. Howard said if you're a good person you should take a hard luck case and take the pet in. Howard said this cat could pass away at any time. Howard said the cat is only a year old. He said he's so great. Howard said now he's coming upstairs and slept in bed with Beth last night. Howard said now it's the death watch but he feels good they are doing it.

    Howard said maybe it'll inspire someone to go and do something like that. Howard said it's a nice thing to do for a cat that's not doing well.

    ---

    Hours after Howard's announcement, Beth posts this photo of Yoda on Twitter.



    Perhaps out of respect to the poor Persian, she still hasn't said anything about Yoda facing certain death.


    September 9, 2014

    Five months after announcing Yoda has less than a year to live, Howard claims that Yoda has outlived his life expectancy by six months. He has changed Yoda's age from one to two, and says that Beth initially took Yoda in so that he would die comfortably. Howard adds that Yoda is doing better now that "he has a purpose in life." Three vets have determined Yoda is a medical miracle. Beth says she wants to turn this story -- which gives chills to everyone who hears it, according to Howard -- into a children's book. Robin says she doesn't believe this story.

    ---

    News Stories, Yoda The Cat Update And More. 09/09/14. 9:20am
    Howard said that they got this 2 year old cat and named him Yoda. Howard said that his heart was failing and they said that he wasn't going to live very long. Howard said he was skinny and dirty when they got him. Howard said Beth said that she was taking in this cat so he'd die comfortably.
    Howard said that he was up for it but he knew she'd be a mess. Howard said Beth wanted to do it so he said okay. Howard said they have a big house so why not. Howard said this cat was so matted and it was a mess. They gave Yoda a month or two to live.

    Howard said he's getting attached to this cat. He said they have all of these kittens living with them too. He said they foster the kittens and they have no mother. They start to sleep on Yoda. He said the other cats don't care about the kittens. He said that Yoda will heard them if they leave the room. He said he's like a mother to them. Howard said his wife posts video of this on her Instagram. He said this has happened with 5 sets of foster kittens. He said that this cat has a purpose in life. He said this is where it gets crazy. He said the cat is still alive. He said this is 6 months past what they gave him.


    Howard said just a couple of days ago this vet comes over. Howard said they asked him to listen in on his heart. The vet said there was nothing wrong with the heart. Howard said they took the cat to two other vets and they said there is nothing wrong with this cat's heart. Robin asked if it's been cured. Howard said they say he's doing fine. Howard said this Yoda has become this beautiful cat. Howard said every time they tell people the story they get the chills. Howard said Beth thinks that it would make for a good children's book. Howard said that Beth wants to do that and give the money to Bianca's Furry Friends. Howard said Beth went to the people who published her book and they want to do this children's book (Yoda: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens). It's happening.

    Robin said she doesn't believe this story. Howard said that the cat has been on medication and they may take him off the mediation eventually. Robin said there's no reason to keep it on the medication. Howard said they don't understand it. He said it's a medical miracle.

    [​IMG]

    ---

    October 21, 2014
    One month after saying she doesn't believe this story, Robin finds herself narrating it for the Kindle edition of Beth's book.



    Like Robin, Beth gives no credit to the hated Western medicine when it comes time to promote the story of Yoda. She claims that love and purpose healed his heart -- and not the heart medicine prescribed to him by expert doctors.

    [​IMG]

    December 8, 2014
    Beth appears at a Costco to sign copies of her book.

    [​IMG]

    At least two dogs attend.

    [​IMG]

    December 7, 2014

    The book makes the New York Times Bestseller List for Children's Picture Books, debuting at number 7. It slips to number 8 a week later, then off the list completely.

    [​IMG]


    October 26, 2015

    One year after attending the recording session for her Yoda book, Beth attends the recording session for her second Yoda book. Non-believer Robin -- who has since named her own cat Yoda, claiming to have been unaware that Beth's cat is named Yoda -- is not invited back to narrate the sequel.




    ----

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2015
  2. Lster

    Lster Well-Known Member VIP

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    That's an ugly ugly cat. I wouldn't adopt that thing if you paid me.
     
  3. JessOnCrack

    JessOnCrack Check out my maniacal laugh! Banned User

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    Beth is doing the BESHT that she knows how to do
     
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  4. HPMikesLazyEYE

    HPMikesLazyEYE Well-Known Member

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  5. thegroovologist

    thegroovologist Well-Known Member

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  6. ALevy

    ALevy VIP Extreme Gold

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    Really impressed with your long-form pieces @Benjamen, very insightful features time & time again.
     
  7. PelicanWig

    PelicanWig Beautiful Soup

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    The lies, they never end. Good work as always Benjamin.
     
  8. Ctanner

    Ctanner Well-Known Member

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    Listen, he was out of his mind back then. That, coupled with the fact Wiggy goes into a trance every show and has no idea what he says explains all of the inconsistencies.

    :giggle:
     
  9. Uncle Larry

    Uncle Larry Well-Known Member VIP

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    Nice work - just the Sterns' own words showing how they have trouble keeping the lies consistent over just a few months.

    Since the kitty center still isn't likely to get started anytime soon, there's a chance Beth will become a three time New York Times best selling "author" (with a lot of help from her ghostwriter).
     
  10. Rhinosaucerous

    Rhinosaucerous Self-hating Millennial

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    This analysis suggests "trouble in paradise". Robin and Howard have had each other's backs through ample bullshit. Perhaps things are truly coming to an end.
     
  11. kingofallmessicans

    kingofallmessicans Sandy Cunt

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    Great post. Beth is so strange looking. Just can't stop looking at that picture with her a Spade.

    1. Spade looks uncomfortable
    2. Beth's death grip on Spade's shoulder
    3. Beth's other death grip on "her" book, obscuring the title
    4. NY TIMES BEST SELLING AUTHOR somehow means less today, didn't think it was possible
    5. Her gigantic football-head
    6. The wonky eye
    7. Those fucking teeth of hers
    8. Pancake makeup
    9. Attempting to hide the clavicles (sort of thankful for this one)
    10. Spade lightly touching the book, not wanting to stain his fingers
     
  12. Getoninja

    Getoninja Well-Known Member

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    Robin is a true nut job and one who doesn't admit when she is wrong

    And all I want for Xmas is for the Yoda book to bomb so hard
     
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  13. kingofallmessicans

    kingofallmessicans Sandy Cunt

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    Agreed! I remember someone on here saying Robin naming her cat Yoda was a bit for the show. But with Spade doing the new reading, and Stern not ripping on Robin for this, it has me thinking there was no bit. Robin is a 34, and decided her cat looked more like a Yoda, and stole the name. It really is exciting to think this is the end. Robin without Howard will get no attention until she start spilling some dirt.
     
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  14. !!!kaboom!!!

    !!!kaboom!!! Well-Known Member Banned User

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    Holy cow. I wonder if Howard used that service that manipulates alleged book sales to land books on the NYT bestseller list. It is not just for ego, but then on future books you can list that the author was a bestseller, as a stamp of approval, increasing sales.
     
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  15. Pooh bear

    Pooh bear Well-Known Member VIP

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    Can you hire him? :bounce:
     
  16. killallposers

    killallposers VIP Extreme Gold

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    They are sickening. Lying is just a way of life for them.
     
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  17. Furc

    Furc Well-Known Member

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    just so much desperation in the photos with her and spade -- attention, fame, recognition.
     
  18. Rob0729

    Rob0729 Well-Known Member

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    It's kinda like the Buchwald and Associates' PR department has written Howard's and Beth's life.

    I know I am being cynical because Howard is an honest kind of guy.
     
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  19. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    You should name that cat Shithead.

    [​IMG]
     
  20. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    Awwww...Persians are great, so sweet and dopey.