You gotta be joking...

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by basketcase, Feb 16, 2015.

  1. basketcase

    basketcase Pissed that Naz only has 2 legs

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    post all your jokes here.

    Heres one I found on Reddit today:

    A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there

    He asks the lady,

    'Do you have a vagina?'

    She slams the door in disgust.

    The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman,

    'Do you have a vagina?'

    She slams the door again.

    Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice,

    'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.'

    The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice,

    'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.'

    She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question;

    'Do you have vagina'?

    'Yes, actually I have one,' she says.

    The man replies..

    'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?
     
  2. basketcase

    basketcase Pissed that Naz only has 2 legs

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    :rofl:
     
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  3. basketcase

    basketcase Pissed that Naz only has 2 legs

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    Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
    A: A mechanic!


    :cwl:
     
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  4. Shedding Skin

    Shedding Skin Damp Banned User

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    That is horrendous.
     
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  5. basketcase

    basketcase Pissed that Naz only has 2 legs

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    give me one thats better
     
  6. artiesoffspring

    artiesoffspring Hugs and kisses

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    Please post your tits.
     
  7. gilaet

    gilaet Xanax Service Dog Gold

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    A man goes into a bank.
    Goes up to a white-haired lady by the desk and goes, "Yeah, I wanna open a fucking bank account."
    The woman goes, "What did you say?"
    He said, "I said I wanna open a fucking bank account."
    She goes, "You better watch your language or I'm gonna get the manager."
    He says, "Why? 'Cause I wanna open a fucking bank account?"
    So she storms off, gets the manager.
    Manager walks over to the man.
    He goes, "What seems to be the trouble here, sir?"
    And he says, "I wanna open a fucking bank account for $500,000."
    And the bank manager says, "Oh, and is this cunt giving you a hard time?"





    [​IMG]
     
  8. O Face

    O Face VIP Extreme Gold

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    Guy is on vacation with his kids. He checks into a hotel and says to the clerk, "I have my kids. I want the porn disabled." The clerk responds, "all we have is regular porn you sick fuck."
     
  9. wetback

    wetback #1 Asshole VIP

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    What do you call 4 beaners in quicksand??

















    Quatro cinco :backlol2:
     
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  10. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head ~Would Like to Play~ Gold

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    What's the difference between Dale Earnhardt, jr., and Hitler?


    Earnhardt knows how to finish a race.



    :nojj:
     
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  11. gilaet

    gilaet Xanax Service Dog Gold

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    A man comes home to his wife.
    He goes, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won the lottery."
    And she goes, "What shall I pack?"
    He goes, "I don't care. Just pack and get the fuck out."





    [​IMG]
     
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  12. basketcase

    basketcase Pissed that Naz only has 2 legs

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    The bride tells her husband
    The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
    anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

    "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
    prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
    prisoner in the prison.

    And then they made love for the first time.

    Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

    Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

    Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

    After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
    the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
    a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

    The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
    born foal.

    Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

    She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

    Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
    OKAY!
     
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  13. basketcase

    basketcase Pissed that Naz only has 2 legs

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    damn :facepalm:
     
  14. gilaet

    gilaet Xanax Service Dog Gold

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    A little boy comes home.
    He says, "Dad, I got my first blowjob."
    The father goes, "How was it?"
    He goes, "Tasted awful."




    [​IMG]
     
  15. basketcase

    basketcase Pissed that Naz only has 2 legs

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  16. gilaet

    gilaet Xanax Service Dog Gold

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    How do you get a faggot to fuck a woman?
    Fill her cunt up with shit.





    [​IMG]
     
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  17. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head ~Would Like to Play~ Gold

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    :cwl:
     
  18. Avery

    Avery Well-Known Member Banned User

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    I had to pull over to the side of the road I'm laughing so hard.
     
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  19. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head ~Would Like to Play~ Gold

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    Did you almost go in the ditch?
     
  20. gilaet

    gilaet Xanax Service Dog Gold

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    An old Jewish man walks into a church.
    He goes in the confession booth.
    He says, "Forgive me, Father. I have sinned.
    I was working in my tailor shop.
    A girl came in.
    Couldn't have been more than 19 years old.
    Blond hair, great body.
    All of a sudden I started fucking her and the fucking, and the sucking, and fooling around, for about three hours."
    And the priest goes, "You're Jewish. Why are you telling me this?"
    And he goes, "Telling you? I'm telling everybody."





    [​IMG]
     
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