You have got to read this review... :shit:

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by gwartney, Sep 23, 2013.

  1. gwartney

    gwartney Unafilliated Gold

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    Read the customer reviews on this 5 lb bag of sugarless gummy bears.

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...IN=B000EVQWKC&linkCode=as2&tag=tnlfacebook-20

    First one:

    Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

    First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

    BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

    Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

    But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

    AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

    I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

    I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

    Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

    Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

    If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
     
  2. Reggae Mistress

    Reggae Mistress Old Catcher's Mitt

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    :giggle: I used to keep a jar filled with gummi bears on my desk. There was this fat chick that would eat them by the hand fulls. I switched the regular ones out with sugar free and didn't tell her. It was a great day at the office.
     
  3. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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  4. crazypreacher

    crazypreacher Hey yo

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  5. gwartney

    gwartney Unafilliated Gold

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    The reviews for this candy are like a creative writing school practiced on it.
     
  6. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    Even regular gummy bears make my stomach flip, but lately it's those Chex snack packs that cause me that kind of distress. Better than the old, original exlax
     
  7. squigglyline

    squigglyline Double Secret Probation Gold

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    :lol: evil.... But fucking hilarious......