Gleetings, vun and all, it is I, you most attlactive member of ze news team and mesmeliser of ze vimmen, Mr Dlacula! Here is ze news, vaggots: - Zatoli Blah made a goodbye thlead, claiming he has better zings to do zan post here, vis his fiancee and zhit. Ze tluth is he has been butthult beyond all lecognition by ze new tag champions Bobtlaw and Easy Yesus. Blah vill be back. - Ze Chleeza/Schmorpy feud continues to escalate. Chleeza is making Scherpy melt by ignoling heem. - Cheli likes egg in her zalads and makes burp bubbles vis Chivas baby batter. - Hairblush magnate ze Sheev has employed sad gummy daughter ignorer Lever as a phone fluffer. Many believe it is zchtick, and zat Sheev has conspired vis vaggot Lever in plivate to vock vis us all. Vell played, Sheev. Vell played. - Dr Zublux gontinues to be univelsally ignoled by most posters, but is tlying vely hard vis his veird pictures and zhit. - Dalk Fliday is vell on his vay to being cleepiest mod on ze board, vis his veird leetle emoticons and zhit in evely thlead, vis many members vondeling vhat ze vock use he is. Zis leporter believes he vill be zhit canned pletty vocking soon. - Dleam Theatre continues to be a clinging, unvunny piece of zhit. -Anfkeed vas donated a keedney, but Hal dlopped it on ze floor. Vocking verevolves... - Thad is back and has aleady made a contloversial thlead legarding zad zack suicidal IB40. Ve velcome you, Thad. - Lumballs is making vaves in ze Bar and is quickly making a name vor heemself vis his gooking thleads. Zis has been Mr Dlacula vor ze Dawgzhed News.